With Baseball, Congress Is Barking Up Wrong Tree

In a time of high partisanship in Washington, one issue unites everyone: All can agree that Congress has better things to do than investigate baseball's latest shenanigans. Unfortunately, while Congress may have better things to be doing, that doesn't mean it's going to do them.

The reason this comes to mind is a bizarre scoop by Maury Brown, available at his invaluable Web site, bizofbaseball.com. Major League Baseball, according to a February 21 memo signed by Bud Selig and obtained by Brown, is about to start subjecting the precious bodily fluids of its employees — all of its employees — to the possibility of search and seizure. If you were afraid that Omar Minaya's secretary is obtaining an unfair competitive advantage by injecting Deca-Durabolin, have no further fears. Baseball is on the case, as now everyone from the lowliest clubhouse boy to the most powerful general manager is subject to random, unannounced testing, just like the players. Think about that the next time you plump for a Yankees ticket: Not only is your cash going into Carl Pavano's pocket, it could also be going toward testing to ensure that Joe Torre isn't abusing Ecstasy.

If this makes no sense to you, it's because you're not a madman. As Brown rightly points out, though, you can trace this right back to Congress and former Senator Mitchell's interminably ongoing investigation into drug use in the sport. Various threats in the last few years, including that of federal legislation to require certain sorts of drug testing, have baseball scared. Just listen to MLB flack Rich Levin, who told Brown, "In order to be consistent, the policy has to be applied to everyone in MLB, not just the players."

In order to be consistent about a policy of chopping my own fingers off, I'd have to apply it to the pinky, not just the thumb. It wouldn't make the idea of hacking away at my own flesh any less stupid, regardless of whether a powerful man was standing over my shoulder intimating that if I didn't do it he was going to make me. In mandating that Jose Reyes and Willie Randolph alike be tested to make sure they aren't smoking pot because MLB's scared by a regulatory climate that makes the possibility of legislation regarding its drug problem quite real, baseball may be demonstrating consistency. It's also demonstrating that consistency is not necessarily a virtue.

For baseball, and for that part of the citizenry that has read "The Federalist," the problem is that Congress, too, is demonstrating consistency in its preposterous foolishness. Take the proposed deal that would make MLB's Extra Innings service exclusive to DirecTV. This sounds to me like about the worst idea since Napoleon decided to march on Moscow, but also clearly within MLB's rights. Here, though, was Senator Kerry a few weeks ago demonstrating his mastery of the high art of self-parody by penning outraged letters to the Federal Communications Commission and saying, "I'd like to know how this serves the public — a deal which will force fans to subscribe to DirecTV in order to tune in to their favorite players. A Red Sox fan ought to be able to watch their team without having to switch to DirecTV."

Or take the ongoing issue of testing for human growth hormone. Have you ever heard of Rep. Cliff Stearns? Last year, the Florida Republican pushed hard on the subject of preventing hGH use in the game; with a new (and useless) test available, expect some further rumbling on the issue this year. At least Bud Selig will be able to point out that if MLB did adopt the invasive new blood testing procedure that allows for detection of hGH, he and Bobby Cox would also be subjected to it.

What makes all of this downright offensive is that while Congress is busy threatening to hold hearings and legislate on everything it has no real interest whatsoever intervening in, it's been silent for decades on the tax loopholes that help teams extort new stadiums from their cities and make it profitable for teams to be sold every five years, baseball's exploitation of teenage prospects in Latin America, and other issues that, if they aren't of the most pressing importance, are at least within its purview. The influence of Congress on baseball is uniformly wicked and lamentable as it neglects what needs attention and gives its attention to the most trivial affairs, and most every politician who opens his mouth on the subject comes across as uninformed or as a charlatan. This actually, and unfortunately, has consequences. If you want to know just how contemptible our political culture has become, just read Selig's memo. It will tell you all you need to know.

tmarchman@nysun.com