Commandments the Vatican Didn't Mention
Now that the Vatican has issued its Ten Commandments for Drivers — which, with any luck, you weren't reading on your BlackBerry while dialing your mother while switching lanes while gesturing obscenely out the window while tailgating granny on the Turnpike — it seemed like a good idea to see if there were any more commandments out there.
After all, other religions, and individuals, like commandment-issuing, too. Who doesn't? Here's a smattering:
11: Thou Shalt Not Give Incorrect Directions
Please, the associate director of the National Jewish Outreach Program, Rabbi Yitzchak Rosenbaum, begged: "If someone asks you for directions and you don't know where it is, say, ‘I don't know.'" Fast. No hemming, no hawing, no, "I think it may be … wait, no maybe. …" The Talmud states: "Thou shalt not put a stumbling block in front of a blind man" — because, obviously, this would not serve the blind guy well. Bad directions are stumbling blocks for the rest of us.
12: Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Hummer
"Air pollution and carbon emissions impact God's creations negatively," the director of Eco-Justice Programs at the National Council of Churches, Cassandra Carmichael, said. The more polluting your vehicle, the more polluted your soul, she said (pretty much). And her organization represents 100,000 churches.
13: Thou Shalt Quit Blabbering Through Thine Bumper Stickers
"A single bumper sticker is okay, but why must someone's entire world view be plastered on their car's rear end?" the author of "The Woman's Daily Irony Statement," Jacqueline Church Simonds, asked. "The ‘Kill Your TV' sticker already gives me the agenda. But then they'll also have ‘Another vegan for peace' and ‘Perform random acts of kindness.' Why random? Can't they plan ahead?" Especially since they're saving so much time not watching TV.
14: Thou Shalt Wear Thy Safety Belt
This is not just me, a Jewish mother, speaking. This is Josef Carmel, a Jewish rabbi, speaking — from Jerusalem, no less, where he answers religious questions at eretzhemdah.org. "Wearing a belt is not only an obligation, but a mitzvah" — a good deed — "because everyone is supposed to do everything to keep himself and his family alive," he said. That should change some wild teenagers' behavior, right? "Buckle up, punk, it's a mitzvah."
15: Thou Shalt Not Be Late To The Carpool
It is forbidden to waste someone's time, Rabbi Rosenbaum said. That's because, unlike money, time is something you can never pay a person back.
16: Text Not
The fact that this isn't illegal while driving is a sin.
17: Thou Shalt Give Pedestrians The Right of Way In The Crosswalk
It says so right in the Bible: "Crosswalks are for pedestrians, o ye jerks. Let the two-legged go first or ye shall spend eternity in a firey crosswalk being run over by a cabbie cackling on his cell phone." At least, I think that's what it says. Anyway, it should. And that's the god's honest truth.
