What Ever Happened to the Jolly Green Giant, and Other Iconic Spokescreatures?
Alas, life has not been kind to all our old favorites.
Recently, I tracked down some of the most iconic spokescreatures in the advertising world.
What had become of Morris the Cat? Charlie the Tuna?
Well, even in this era of social media, it was hard to track down everyone. Yet I did manage to meet up with a few. Alas, life has not been kind to all our old favorites, including:
The Jolly Green Giant: Oh right. Heâs soooo jolly. Try living with him. See how jolly you think he is. JOLL. GET OUT HERE. SOME LADY WANTS TO INTERVIEW YOU. PROBABLY THINKS YOUâRE STILL GREEN. You know, even giants go gray. I was surprised too. Not sure anyone would buy peas from a big, gray, gassy giant. Would you? JOLL⊠WEâRE WAITING. He hates getting dressed. That bathing suit made of leaves? Dried out about a decade ago, and he says nothing else makes him looks âverdant.â So he just lies there, âho ho hoâ-ing. Itâs fun the first 20 million times. You know he always hated eating vegetables? Says he only liked the âgreen.â Joll, COME OUT. And put on some pants. Interviewee wished to remain nameless.
Frito Bandito â interviewed in his office as the Frito-Lay Professor of Latinx Studies at New York University: Come in. Have a seat. Let me just log off ⊠there. I was emailing my colleagues at Princeton about the upcoming conference, âThe Outsider in American Cuisine.â Iâm presenting a paper on the corn chipâs influence on norteamericano dining habits. In a perverse way, I believe the so-called Bandito may have actually accelerated an appreciation of Hispanic cuisine by contextualizing the deep-fried tortilla as a snack without a country. Oh, yes, that should provoke a lively discussion.
Snap and Crackle â interviewed at their antiques store in Key West:
Snap: First thing youâre gonna ask is, âWhat ever happened to Pop?â
Crackle: Everybody does. Remember that lady from Vox?
Snap: Honestly, Popâs fallen off the yellow brick road.
Crackle: We lost track of him in the 1970s when he opened an art gallery at SoHo and got just too fabulous for us.
Snap: Heâd no sooner dive into a bowl of milk than go to the Met Gala in Dockers. Only then the two of us moved down here, and frankly, weâre doing just dandy without him.
Crackle: Happy as the Williams sisters on a Wheaties box.
Coppertone Girl â reached on the set of âHot Tub Mamasâ: Sure, honey, tell you the whole story. Ran away at age 3, discovered by a talent scout who became my agent, made a couple of dog-bites-girl ads for the suntan stuff â thatâs why youâre here, right? And then I got a little older, a little broker, hitchhiked to LA and started making independent films like âSunburn Siren,â âItchy, Red and Hot,â âLotion in Motion,â stuff like that. Married my agent, did the white picket fence for a while, but then he ran off with Little Debbie â donât be fooled by that sunbonnet â and now Iâm back in ⊠Wait a sec, theyâre bringing in the beach ball. Gotta run, thatâs my scene.
Ty-D-Bol Man â found mumbling on his boat in a public toilet at Washington Square: Yes, Iâm Ty-D the sailor man. Iâm strong to the finish âcause I swim in sewage. ⊠Wha? Someone there? Donât bother flushing. Some guy stuffed a bunch of paper towels. ⊠Oh. Youâre the gal that called about an interview *nudges Schlitz cans under his coat.* Great, just like the old days.
To tell ya the truth, things have been a little slow lately. Yet now theyâre really picking up, yessiree. The Portosan people want me to do some public appearances at big outdoor events. And in January, a couple fellas were here from Life Savers talking about a joint promotion. Said theyâd get right back to me. Uh, you thirsty? Wanna go for a ride? Okay, maybe tomorrow. Hey, would you mind lowering that bottle into here? To show biz.
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