In Brief

THE CONDEMNED
R, 113 minutes

Late in "The Condemned" a scene arrives to separate the wheat from the chaff. As a maudlin television commentary denouncing violence in the media is broadcast around the world, people in a bar in Texas, on an island in the Pacific, and in FBI headquarters in Virginia struggle to hold back their tears. So thoughtful! So profound! And in a movie starring "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, no less. For those who truly love horrible movies, this one's for you. Everyone else: Run!

Sanctimonious, stupid, sadistic, and full of professional wrestlers and attempted rape, "The Condemned" is a great bad movie because it takes itself so seriously. Media shark Ian Breckel (Robert Mammone) decides to use this newfangled "Internet" to "webcast" a snuff reality show. Ten convicted criminals with explosive bracelets strapped to their ankles are dropped on an island. Whoever is left standing after 30 hours gets to go free. The convicts all have one thing in common: They work out a lot. Among them are the nefarious Vinnie Jones (who looks like his version of working out is hefting a can of beer) and "Stone Cold," who is so buff that even his skull has muscles.

By the finale, a few things are apparent: It's hilariously fun to watch a sadistically violent movie denounce violence in movies; Hollywood certainly does take a dim view of this internet fad; and "Stone Cold" can only deliver one line of dialogue before losing his credibility. To its credit, "The Condemned" does offer a solution to the problem of violence in the media: Use guns and bombs to kill the people who make violent entertainment. It's as if the producers of this movie are begging for someone to put them out of their misery.