Copyright 2008 The New York Sun Mon, 29 Sep 2008 20:43:41 -0400 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Sara Berman :: Stories from The New York Sun http://www.nysun.com/authors/Sara+Berman istoll@nysun.com (Ira Stoll) webmaster@nysun.com en-us SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/when-families-become-less-insular-and-more-open/86824/ Tue, 30 Sep 2008 00:00:00 EST While watching the presidential debates with my sons, it occurred to me that my children's political views are identical to mine and my husband's. When Senator Obama spoke about his tax plans, the faces of my boys twisted in horror. When Senator McCain spoke on the subject of foreign policy, they nodded their heads in agreement. Of course, their parroting is normal. We all parrot opinions. I was surprised when, during a typical conversation about the election, my close friend told me that I was... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/do-five-children-make-a-vice-president/86357/ Tue, 23 Sep 2008 00:00:00 EST In the past month, more than a dozen people have asked me what I think about Senator McCain's choice of Governor Palin as a vice presidential candidate. I don't mean that in the course of normal conversation, people have asked me what I think about the presidential election: Instead, acquaintances have made a beeline toward me in social settings and asked, rather fiercely, "Are you ready to be president?" "You have five kids," they say. "One of them is a baby. Do you think you could do it?" How... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/no-to-no-sibling-policiesin-private-schools/85880/ Tue, 16 Sep 2008 00:00:00 EST Each year, in the rarefied world of private-school admissions, there is a new batch of horror stories. But this summer, one tale, more than any other, made its way around the gossip circuit. A well-connected set of parents (both grew up in the city) with a young child applied for a kindergarten spot to the same prestigious Upper East Side school in which their older child was happily ensconced. They were told by the head of the celebrated school that to be safe — given the "no-sibling" policy... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/when-children-play-a-part-in-grieving/85398/ Tue, 9 Sep 2008 00:00:00 EST My 92-year-old grandmother died this weekend. My family was expecting her to die, and I had prepared my children all week for the inevitable. I had told them how old she was and what a full life she had led. The night before my grandmother died, the boys had sung her songs over the telephone. And yet when my mother called me with the news, I couldn't bring myself to tell them. For nearly two hours, I fed the girls breakfast and we played, as I considered different ways I might share the news... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/the-struggle-at-summers-end/84962/ Tue, 2 Sep 2008 00:00:00 EST Ambivalent. That's how I feel this week as my tour as Julie McCoy, cruise director of the "Love Boat," comes to an end. Say good-bye to the bathing suits, bike rides, lemonade stands, Scrabble games, and sand castles. And say hello to uniforms, 8 a.m. drop-offs, homework, play dates, and practices. I'm not exactly sure why I feel ambivalent about the end of summer. The structure of school certainly affords me more precious time to myself. And there is no season I enjoy more than fall in New... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/leaving-bike-riding-to-the-children/83649/ Tue, 12 Aug 2008 00:00:00 EST This week, as the summer days began to get the tiniest bit shorter, and the nights had the slightest hint of crispness, I realized that I'd better make good on my promise to teach my daughter, nearly 6, to ride a bike. Getting rid of the training wheels was one of a few summer promises Kira and I had made to each other at the end of June. And we hadn't touched the bike since. One morning, I gulped down my last bit of coffee and told Kira I was ready. "Put on your sneakers and helmet, and let's... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/learning-how-to-play-the-game-of-life/83222/ Tue, 5 Aug 2008 00:00:00 EST Last week, I took my daughter, who is nearly 6, for a tennis lesson. At the tennis club, I happened to see a mother I casually know as she was watching her two daughters having a lesson of their own. Her girls were older, maybe 10 and 12, and their tennis was — to be perfectly honest — terrible. Balls were flying all over the place. Their gangly bodies were going backward when they should have been going forward, and vice versa, and their strokes were awkward and inconsistent. They were also, I... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/an-optimistic-mother-ponders-her-pessimistic-child/82757/ Tue, 29 Jul 2008 00:00:00 EST There's this great story being forwarded among parents about an optimistic child and a pessimistic child. The two children are taken to different rooms. The pessimistic child is taken into a glittering hall of brand-new toys. There are magnificent old-fashioned toys, as well as the latest Nintendo Wii and Sony PlayStation. There's a sleek computer, a gorgeous dollhouse, and a jumping castle. The optimistic child is taken to another room. In this room is only horse dung. Mountains and mountains... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/a-parents-summertime-checklist/82346/ Tue, 22 Jul 2008 00:00:00 EST We are about halfway through summer vacation, and around this time every year, I try to make a list of family activities I want to do before summer's end. In my house, if it doesn't make it onto my list, it doesn't get done. So, here goes: My top 12 list of must-dos this summer. 1. Go to the beach Which beach might matter to you, but it certainly won't make much difference to your gang. Coney Island, Jones Beach, Rockaway Beach, a Hampton beach, or Fire Island are all for the taking. Go with... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/the-runaway-bunny/81855/ Tue, 15 Jul 2008 00:00:00 EST My column has been running in this paper for more than four years. In that time, I have railed against teachers who assign hours of needless homework — and the parents who are pleased to see their children slave away for four hours each night. I've written nearly a dozen columns about savvy ways to financially educate our children. And I've tried to explain the recent rise in teenage suicide and casual sexual behavior, among other thorny issues. Few of these meaty subjects have elicited as much... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/growing-older-but-not-up/81375/ Tue, 8 Jul 2008 00:00:00 EST There are days when I wake up and think that I might, just maybe, still be 15 years old. I know I have children and responsibilities. But that doesn't always seem to stop me from thinking that I'm not that different from a 15- or 20-year-old. It turns out I am not alone in this kind of magical thinking. Many people in their 30s, 40s, and 50s whom I've spoken to said that having children and jobs didn't necessarily always make them feel so grown up all the time. But then there are those moments... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/calendar/a-mother-rabbits-stressful-situation/81001/ Tue, 1 Jul 2008 00:00:00 EST Just a few hours after filing last week's column about the comical gender-bending adventures of my daughter's bunny, Ahava, I went to the rabbit cage to see if there was enough food and water. For those of you who missed last week's saga, I'll review: We took home the kindergarten class rabbit for the summer and discovered — a little too late — that the adorable, fluffy, female Ahava was actually quite the lady's man. After buying two female rabbits that we thought would keep "her" company... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/the-birds-the-bees-and-the-bunnies/80534/ Tue, 24 Jun 2008 00:00:00 EST A few weeks ago, my husband, David, called me after dropping the gang off at school and told me that he had volunteered that we would take care of Kira's kindergarten class bunny during the summer. I know what regular readers of this column are thinking: We have five children — do we really need to take care of the bunny? But David knew that in my heart I love animals, and that I have a particular soft spot for Ahava, the cocoa-colored, floppy-eared rabbit that Kira and her classmates had come... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/parents-reflect-on-the-things-they-did-right-with/80123/ Tue, 17 Jun 2008 00:00:00 EST Many months ago, I wrote a column about the fantasy that we parents entertain — to have a second chance at raising our children. I polled nearly 100 acquaintances and asked them what they would do differently with their children if they were given another chance. The column was entertaining and received a huge response from readers. This week, I wanted to know what it is that we feel we have done right — that is, what we would do again if we had the chance to do it over. "Why is it so easy to... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/as-the-family-grows-summer-social-schedule-shrinks/79628/ Tue, 10 Jun 2008 00:00:00 EST This time of year in New York is full of endless possibilities. It's not just because of the weather that brides and grooms choose to begin their lives together in June: This month is filled with hope and a sense of renewal. The summer is stretched out lazily in front of us, and is packed with trips to the beach and the countryside, leisurely meals, and athletic excursions. In years past, I can remember pondering my summer plans and carefully trying to balance the pleasure of lounging around at... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/does-summer-break-really-help-children/79136/ Tue, 3 Jun 2008 00:00:00 EST There must be an internal alarm inside my body that goes off at the beginning of every June. Coffee — a steaming hot cup at the crack of dawn — must be thrown over ice. I like my apartment to be freezing cold, even on days that aren't especially hot. And school must end. Now. At dinner last week, when my friend who lives in Greenwich, Conn., told me that her children only had a few days left of school, I felt an overwhelming pang of jealousy. The pang turned into a shooting pain when she told... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/the-lasting-truth-behind-sex-and-the-city/78606/ Tue, 27 May 2008 00:00:00 EST When I tell people about the kind of weekly column I write for this newspaper — a parenting column that focuses on the sometimes reported and sometimes very personal joys, struggles, and peculiarities of raising children in New York — they occasionally tell me that the column reminds them of the column penned by Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker) in the HBO television series "Sex and the City." "Sure," I always respond mischievously. "Except that it's a parenting column. It's more like 'No... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/tackling-fear-of-riding-for-childrens-sake/76708/ Tue, 20 May 2008 00:00:00 EST Last week, on one of those long-awaited crisp and sunny spring days, I decided that I would take my daughter, Talia, 3, to the Central Park Carousel. It's not that I really wanted to go to the carousel. But as any parent of two or more children can attest, sometimes you have to force yourselves to accompany your younger children during certain activities, to ensure that you've spent enough time together, as well as to give them all the benefits and exposure that you've so lovingly heaped upon... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/when-teenagers-burn-the-midnight-oil/76341/ Tue, 13 May 2008 00:00:00 EST The other night, while leaving a benefit at the Plaza, my husband and I bumped into an acquaintance we hadn't seen in a long time. It was 10 p.m., and there was such a mass exodus from the dinner that it reminded me of Cinderella's mad dash to heed her fairy godmother's warning that at the stroke of midnight, all would return to the way it was. As we left the Grand Ballroom (which, incidentally, looks exactly the same as it did before hundreds of millions of dollars were poured into the hotel)... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/too-young-for-the-beauty-salon/75921/ Tue, 6 May 2008 00:00:00 EST My high school reunion is next month, and this week I received a few e-mails about who's planning to attend the festivities. After spending 15 years together at the same school, I can still remember the birthdays of some of these classmates — even though I haven't seen them since graduation. While cleaning up my apartment a few days ago, I came across my high school yearbook, and with the reunion approaching, I took it out and began to flip through the pages. What struck me most was not how... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/newborn-baby-provides-relief-from-the-antics/75501/ Tue, 29 Apr 2008 00:00:00 EST The best way I can relate the pure pleasure of having a baby at the same time as having older children is to imagine having a perfect grilled cheese sandwich after a few nights of three-course meals at Nobu, Le Cirque, and Jean-Georges. It's like watching "I Love Lucy" after a few episodes of "24." It's like having a scoop of Hδagen-Dazs chocolate ice cream after being dazzled by the newfangled flavors of Ben & Jerry's. Now that Nate, my fifth child, is 3 months old, and I am madly in love with... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/longing-for-lazy-days/75050/ Tue, 22 Apr 2008 00:00:00 EST Sunday was going to be a fantastic day — I was sure of it. Unlike so many weekend days, we didn't have a single plan. There were no dreadful birthday parties and no endless sports matches. No cutthroat chess tournaments and no hectic lunch plans. The gang could sleep late and stay in pajamas. It was going to be a supremely lazy day, and I was looking forward to it. The brood slowly emerged from their bedrooms one by one, collapsing in different parts of the living room. In their pajamas, with... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/moving-to-the-table-from-the-treo/74722/ Tue, 15 Apr 2008 00:00:00 EST Recently while I was at a friend's birthday breakfast in Cape Town, South Africa, where I spend a few months every year, I spoke with 10 women about their most pressing parenting concerns. I was curious about whether their issues would be similar to those that my friends and I face in New York. Sure enough, many South African mothers are struggling to instill in their children a sense of familial and communal duty. They are working to find ways of combating rampant materialism. They are trying... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/calendar/when-money-woes-hit-close-to-home/74317/ Tue, 8 Apr 2008 00:00:00 EST No matter how many different articles I read about the collapse of Bear Stearns, I still find it hard to believe that poof — it's gone. Part of my bewilderment stems from the fact that I am part of a generation that has barely lived through even the mildest recession. Regardless of whether our country enters into a technical recession or not, our city feels different these days. It's no longer workers in some other part of the country who are losing their jobs: We're losing our jobs. "I was... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/child-rearings-toll-on-a-parents-memory/73950/ Tue, 1 Apr 2008 00:00:00 EST The other day, while having a quick lunch with a friend, a woman came over to my table to say hello. "It's so great to see you," she gushed. I tried to look very happy to see her, but the truth was I had absolutely no idea who she was. "This is my friend Chris," I said, hoping that she might introduce herself. "Nice to meet you, Chris," she said. "Sara, I haven't seen you for ages. Did you really just have another baby?" she asked, failing to fall for my introduction trick. She looked very... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/weighing-the-value-of-staying-together/73560/ Tue, 25 Mar 2008 00:00:00 EST It's pretty clear that many couples stay together for the sake of their children. Governor Paterson and his wife went through a rough patch, decided to stay together for their children, and on a happy note, are apparently back in love. No word yet on whether the Spitzers will make it through the storm. We can safely assume, though, that if Silda Wall Spitzer decides to stay with the former governor, her children will have played a large role in the decision. While few New Yorkers have lived... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/childs-changing-character/73143/ Tue, 18 Mar 2008 00:00:00 EST One of the many things that's difficult about being a thoughtful parent is that the second you think you know what's going on with your children, one of them throws you for a loop so big, you are nearly knocked over. That's what it felt like when my 5-year-old daughter, Kira, smiled and told me she wanted to kill her new brother. "What?" I asked in my sleep-deprived state. "You want to kill the baby?" I repeated, buying time to come up with a decent response. What worried me wasn't that my... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/phenomenon-of-baby-nurses/72688/ Tue, 11 Mar 2008 00:00:00 EST Tomorrow will be my baby nurse's last day with my family. I'm not sure whom I feel worse for: myself or the baby. Six weeks into this gig, I hope the baby hasn't become completely accustomed to twice-daily baths, around-the-clock attention, careful burping, and long massages. But Nate, like his brothers and sisters before him, will survive on fewer baths, fewer massages, and — there's no delicate way to say this — far, far less attention. According to Baby Nurse America, an agency that places... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/learning-how-to-count-all-the-heads/72269/ Tue, 4 Mar 2008 00:00:00 EST The other day, I spent at least five minutes trying to figure out whether or not my children and baby sitter would fit into the car. Normally, this wouldn't even be an issue, as my car seats eight, but the third row and passenger seat were filled with bags of children's clothing and toys that I had yet to drop off at Goodwill. Solving the problem brought me back to eighth-grade algebra. Let's see: My husband has the two boys at a chess tournament. I have the remainder of the crew. The car has... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/on-the-brink-of-child-no-5/69935/ Tue, 22 Jan 2008 00:00:00 EST My mother asked me a few days ago if I was nervous about having the baby, my fifth, which is due on Thursday. To be honest, up until that point, I hadn't given "having the baby" — as in the delivery — that much thought. Not because I've had especially easy deliveries — I've had good and I've had bad — but more because, with four other children, I've had more immediate and pressing concerns. In the past few months, I've been busy doing what I'm good at: keeping my head down low and getting done... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/women-who-wear-stethoscopes/69538/ Tue, 15 Jan 2008 00:00:00 EST Last week, I wondered aloud with my boys, 9 and 7 years old, what it is they might do professionally when they are older. In the true politically correct fashion of my day, I suggested the widest range of possibilities. "Maybe you'll be an artist, or a lawyer," I said to them, listing one option after another. "An actor or a doctor." "A doctor?" my eldest, Jacob, asked. "Women are doctors," he said seriously. Now if ever there were a comment that reflected the peculiarity of being raised in... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/for-young-girls-weighty-issues/69091/ Tue, 8 Jan 2008 00:00:00 EST About a month ago, my 5-year-old daughter asked me, with great earnestness, which weighed more — me, or a house. Nearly eight months pregnant, I understood where her question was coming from and answered her as seriously as I could. "A house," I said solemnly. "That's what I thought," she said and moved on to some other equally stimulating subject. Last week, Kira's line of questioning got a tad more direct. "Why," she asked me as I got dressed to go out for dinner, "is your butt getting so... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/having-a-baby-in-this-great-town/68215/ Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:00:00 EST One of my favorite parts about being this pregnant — one month to go — is how comfortable strangers feel in approaching me and striking up a conversation. In the dry cleaner's, the fruit store, the Gap, countless taxis, and in Central Park, New Yorkers from all walks of life want to know when I'm due, if I'm having a boy or a girl, and how I'm feeling. Since I'm not a particularly social person, I'm always surprised that I enjoy these conversations. Instead of viewing the attention as... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/extended-family-emergency-plan/67808/ Tue, 11 Dec 2007 00:00:00 EST On my niece Lila's first birthday, my father — her grandfather — got to spend some quality time with the birthday girl. When she somehow signaled to him that she was hungry, my father took it upon himself to feed her. Delicately, he pulled off a piece of the almond croissant that he happened to be eating and handed it to her. A few minutes later, when she appeared interested in his can of Diet Coke, he enthusiastically gave her a first taste of the classic American beverage. For a child whose... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/illusion-of-organizational-nirvana/67453/ Tue, 4 Dec 2007 00:00:00 EST Martha Stewart is to blame: not for any outdated trading scandal or perjury charge, but for driving a sizeable portion of New York women — myself included — to the brink of insanity. I know it isn't fair to blame poor Martha for my desire that every single one of my closets be immaculately organized — I am, after all, nearly eight months pregnant and feel qualified to write a tome on the nesting phenomenon. But pregnant or not, I find that most of my friends and acquaintances do care that their... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/infiltrating-materialism-with-compassion/67015/ Tue, 27 Nov 2007 00:00:00 EST This is a time of year when you can accomplish very little without much effort. Very little, that is — except for buying Christmas presents for family and teachers, attending school holiday assemblies, tipping the doorman, and (if you're lucky) organizing an upcoming vacation. How fulfilling. But in fact, this is an important time of the year to teach your children that small acts of kindness can change the world, and that sometimes, what feels like an obligation can turn out to be the best... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/rescuing-unhappy-students/66769/ Tue, 20 Nov 2007 00:00:00 EST A week after parent-teacher conferences, I spoke with several parents of unhappy children. Of course, I've spoken with many, many more whose children are thriving — but the conversations consumed with worry are the ones that stick with me. "We're not sure she's going to make it," a mother of three said about her second grader. "She's so behind and is really struggling. We're not sure if we should fill out applications to other schools, schools for kids with learning issues." What do her... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/in-praise-of-home-economics/66360/ Tue, 13 Nov 2007 00:00:00 EST Recently, there have been weeks that have gone by when I have asked myself repeatedly why I bothered to go to college. Now I know what you're thinking — and don't get me wrong — of course I know why I went to college. It's just that lately, I'm not so sure that I wouldn't have been better served by a degree in say, home economics, than I am by the liberal arts degree that I obtained in the scholarly field of history. Last week, for example, I spent several hours dealing with a broken toilet. I... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/conversations-for-mature-ears/65950/ Tue, 6 Nov 2007 00:00:00 EST Last week, as I was getting the troops ready for bed, one of my son's teachers called to check in with me. "He is doing well," she told me. "His reading is great. Socially, he's got a great group of friends. He has a wonderful attitude. My only concern is that his receptive language skills are weak. If it's okay with you, we're going to take him and a few other kids and give them extra help in one area of the curriculum that we think will best address this weakness." I was thrilled: His... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/rock-star-in-the-eyes-of-children/65527/ Tue, 30 Oct 2007 00:00:00 EST When my oldest child began the birthday party circuit for 2-year-olds, the swankiest Upper East Side fκtes featured a pixie-blond, guitar-toting rocker who memorized the names of every toddler in attendance. These were not your average shindigs for 2-year-olds. At chic clubs and restaurants that I hadn't been to since my sweet-16 days, 30 or 40 preschoolers were mesmerized by the music — and memory — of Laurie Berkner. Seven years later, no club can compete with the location of Ms. Berkner's... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/raising-your-child-to-be-your-friend/65058/ Tue, 23 Oct 2007 00:00:00 EST My daughter Kira, 5, played hooky from school on Friday. I'm not sure if it's called hooky in kindergarten, but she needed a new passport and had to appear with me at the agency between 9 a.m. and 3:30 p.m. Although her passport won't expire until December, I thought it was better to stand in line and get the dirty deed done while I was six months pregnant, as opposed to eight. There really is something to be said for being the first in line at the passport agency, because what I thought would... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/less-is-more-when-praising-children/64651/ Tue, 16 Oct 2007 00:00:00 EST My parents had their children when they were in their 20s and early 30s, while my aunt and uncle, who are five years younger, had their children when they were in their 30s and early 40s. My first cousins, as a result, are more than a decade younger than my siblings and me, and are only about a decade older than my children. The upside of this is that my aunt and uncle can provide parenting advice to me that feels current. While they are a generation older than me, we seem to have met halfway... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/what-happened-to-a-sense-of-duty/64203/ Tue, 9 Oct 2007 00:00:00 EST At a party that my family hosted recently, my eldest son Jacob, nearly 9 years old, had a tantrum when my husband told him he had to stand by the entrance for 10 minutes and greet our friends. Instead of smiling politely as the guests arrived, he looked as if his fingernails were being removed slowly. Finally I told my husband that I couldn't take it anymore. "Just let him go," I groaned. "No," my husband insisted. "It's not asking much, and lots of our friends want to see him." It certainly... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/inviting-strangers-to-bat-mitzvahs/63804/ Tue, 2 Oct 2007 00:00:00 EST As the Jewish holidays enter the home stretch this week, another season of religious observance awaits many New York parents: Weekend after weekend of bar and bat mitzvah extravaganzas. For those New Yorkers with children in sixth and eighth — but predominantly seventh — grades, a huge chunk of the upcoming weekends will be spent ferrying children to and from synagogue in the morning, and then to and from lavish parties that celebrate the time when young men and women become members of the... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/application-anxieties-worsen-this-year/63328/ Tue, 25 Sep 2007 00:00:00 EST Some activities that I cherished with my first child seem like downright drudgery the fourth time around. One of these, I'm sad to say, is going to the playground. Give my fourth child a bath? No problem. Do a puzzle together? A pleasure. But for some reason, taking her to that sandy pit makes my toes curl. But the swings and slide have captured her imagination. So I've committed to take her to the playground, without my cell phone, at least once a week. Last week, as I neared the half-hour... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/knowing-it-before-blowing-it/62874/ Tue, 18 Sep 2007 00:00:00 EST In the course of a single week, five of my friends with children said the exact same thing to me in reference to their offspring. "I need a redo," they said. "If I could just do it again, there are so many things I would do differently." All of these women have, so far, produced fine children. But I knew exactly what they meant. I, too, am plagued by this fantasy second chance — and my children aren't even in middle school yet. "There are so many habits my children formed before I realized it... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/giving-children-the-space-they-need/62376/ Tue, 11 Sep 2007 00:00:00 EST It has been many years since I had numerous magazine subscriptions. The first to go were the travel magazines. Who wants to read about the best meals to have in Sicily, Reykjavik, or Croatia when you can barely find the energy (or a baby sitter) to grab a bite of pasta with your husband at the Italian joint next door? A few children into the game, I let my subscriptions to the fashion magazines, the gossip magazines, and even some of the literary and political magazines expire as well. Each... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/accepting-the-limits-of-parental-influence/61825/ Tue, 4 Sep 2007 00:00:00 EST Last week I played cheerleader to my two boys as they played in their first tennis tournament. It is not the first time I have ferried them to competitions — I already spend a small percentage of my life in dank school basements while they compete in chess tournaments. But unlike the chess tournaments, where parents aren't allowed in the game room, parents sit center stage during the tennis matches. We can yell "great shot," or "nice try," as well as see the frustration, anxiety, and elation as... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/daunting-timeless-questions/61399/ Tue, 28 Aug 2007 00:00:00 EST Now that my morning sickness has subsided, I'm beginning to enjoy being pregnant — well, sort of. Since this is the fifth time around, much of the day-to-day pleasure of knowing I'm going to have a baby comes from observing my older children, who are ecstatic at the thought of our expanding family. "Hey, little dude," my 8-year-old son says to my stomach nearly every day. "What if it's a girl?" I ask him. "Hey, little dudette," he says without missing a beat, before continuing to whisper sweet... SARA BERMAN http://www.nysun.com/parenting/busy-mother-revisits-the-nanny-diaries/60935/ Tue, 21 Aug 2007 00:00:00 EST Last weekend, I sat down to have lunch with my daughters. My husband and sons were playing tennis for a few hours nearby, and without them, the house seemed downright calm. No matter how many — or how few — children you have, when you are down a child or two, the load seems lighter. But still, as any parent knows, there's always work to be done. While I chopped a melon for dessert, doled out napkins, cut food into small bites, and played silly guessing games with the girls, I noticed that my...