STOLEN CHILDHOODS
PG-13, 96 mins.

Movies like “Stolen Childhoods” will take the starch right out of a film critic. It doesn’t matter that it’s poorly shot, clumsily edited, and badly written, because it’s a documentary about child labor. Although we don’t get any history or thoughtful analysis of the problem, only the stoniest of creeps wouldn’t be moved by the story of a 15-year-old girl who’s been turning tricks since she was 11, or the fact that 246 million children around the world work full time.

I think it’s fair to say that a world where kids are robbed of their lives for cheaper onions and more affordable rugs isn’t the kind of world in which anyone wants to live. But it is still monotonous to be beaten over the head with that point for 85 minutes.

Narrated by Meryl Streep, “Stolen Childhoods” is full of truly depressing images of small children working in fields and living in garbage. Skipping from country to country, the movie pauses to present a problem, shows some horrifying footage, offers a stopgap solution, then goes on to the next country. It’s more of a call for legislation than an actual documentary that tries to put the issue in context. On the other hand, how much context do you need for a 9-year-old girl working in a rock quarry for the rest of her life to pay off a $5 dollar debt?

The movie’s strangest, most depressing moment involves no children at all. Senator Harkin, a Democrat of Iowa, makes an appearance and calls for the abolition of child slavery because it is “a breeding ground for Osama Bin Laden’s future terrorists.” Couldn’t we just get rid of it because, you know, it’s wrong?

-Grady Hendrix

MINDHUNTERS
R, 106 mins.

“Mindhunters” should give all aspiring screenwriters hope. If this god-awful mess can be produced, just about anything can. The film has been sitting on Miramax’s shelf for nigh on two years now, and how it avoided direct-to-video distribution is beyond me.

Renny Harlin’s thriller attempts to pay homage to “And Then There Were None.” Stupidity reigns when a group of FBI Profiler hopefuls (including Christian Slater and LL Cool J) are dropped off on a remote island for a training exercise. only to find that there’s a unseen serial killer among them. It all builds up to quite possibly the single most inane and absurd solution to the mystery in the history of cinema.

One character in this movie shoots another, then attempts to kill someone else, but eventually it becomes clear that he (or she) is not the killer at all. Why then, was this person shooting at everyone? Because this is the worst movie of the year, that’s why.

Mr. Harlin’s recent work has made it increasingly more and more difficult to defend him. While “The Long Kiss Goodnight” was arguably the best action movie of the 1990s and “Deep Blue Sea” one of the more fun, he has since spiraled down into a pit of insulting bad trash like this (see last year’s “Exorcist” prequel). What happened to him? That’s the real mystery.

-Edward Goldberger