‘The Flash’ Races to Theaters, but Cannot Outrun Its Many Flaws
‘The Flash’ has almost two-and-a-half hours to make us forget that grim reality, but it fails to distract or entertain.

Superhero fans are rushing to catch “The Flash,” a film that hobbles along with little new and nothing fun, with a titular character — an irritating, comic relief sidekick in other incarnations — portrayed in a dual role by a star, Ezra Miller, whose personal conduct doubles down on the weirdness.
Mr. Miller has been absent from the promotional circuit for “The Flash” in part, but only in part, due to the Writers Guild strike shuttering comedy shows. He gave a short speech at the film’s premiere, which Warner Brothers pushed back after claims that he preyed on a pre-teen girl and arrests on charges ranging from assault and burglary to disorderly conduct.
“The Flash” has almost two-and-a-half hours to make us forget that grim reality, but it fails to distract or entertain. The movie starts off strong, with car crashes that feel real, but then smash-cuts to bad CGI and cartoonish animation straight out of a 1990s video game.
The source material, the “Flashpoint” comic book series, carries real weight, as do the animated films it inspired. Take Nora Allen — mother of the Flash, Barry Allen — portrayed by Maribel Verdú. In other productions, we get to know her, so we mourn her death along with her son, Barry.
In “The Flash,” in contrast, Ms. Allen’s lone distinguishing trait is a thick Spanish accent. Her only back story is making what we’re told is spaghetti sauce, but she uses canned tomatoes, so — with nothing else to chew on — I was forced to ponder how much she really cared for her craft.
Ron Livingston — as Henry Allen, the Flash’s father who’s imprisoned for his wife’s murder — looks as bored as he did in his cult classic, “Office Space.” Super Girl, portrayed by a brooding Sasha Calle, gets more of a character arc, although that’s not much of a building to leap here.
Super Girl is held prisoner in Siberia, and blames all of humanity before coming around, but unlike the emaciated and heartbreaking alternate Superman of “Flashpoint,” she’s filling out her spandex and kicking ass after a quick sunbath, so how harsh could her imprisonment have been?
That the Flash likens Super Girl’s spherical prison to a part of the male anatomy only undermines the gravity of her situation. This brand of crass humor in “the Flash” couldn’t help but invoke Mr. Miller’s off-screen scandals, supercharging the cringe.
Like so many recent films — including “Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse,” in theaters now, and “Avengers: Endgame” — “The Flash” relies on time travel and multiverses and namechecks the “Back to the Future” franchise, which does little to anchor its fiction in our world.
Multiple versions of characters dilute the stakes — there is always another chance to get it right — and the metaverse is a trope more exhausted than Pheidippides, the Greek who ran 25 miles with news of the victory at Marathon. At least he had the good dramatic sense to drop dead rather than keep running the same race.
If your mother dies, as Barry Allen’s did, so what? Just hop over to the next universe and pick up a spare — rewritten to fit into as many different racial, economic, and sexual demographics as the marketing department needs to sell the film.
Nostalgia offers the lone bright spots in “The Flash.” Past Superman actors — George Reeves, Christopher Reeve, and even Nicholas Cage from a never-produced outing — are all shown, serving only to remind viewers of bygone and better entertainment, not to mention Hollywood’s insatiable appetite to strip-mine the past.
Versions of Batman make cameos, too, including the iconic Adam West. Michael Keaton drew applause in the theater when he showed up alive and well, reprising his role and backed by Danny Elfman’s haunting score. His Batmobile, first road tested in 1989’s “Batman,” prompted squeals, too.
A 71-year-old star and a 34-year-old prop, then, — not to mention digital versions of deceased actors, some who died under tragic circumstances — draw more enthusiasm than the rest of the movie’s plot and cast combined.
According to industry estimates reported in Variety, “The Flash” is expected to top $70 million on its opening weekend. It’s up to audiences to decide if nostalgia bait is worth the price, because the film itself is another comic book movie that promises splendor but delivers very weak sauce.