The Best of All Possible Shipwrecks

This article is from the archive of The New York Sun before the launch of its new website in 2022. The Sun has neither altered nor updated such articles but will seek to correct any errors, mis-categorizations or other problems introduced during transfer.

The New York Sun

Talk about miracles: Every woman who survived the horrible plane crash at the start of “Lost” was a size 2! And, even more incredibly, all the women’s clothes left behind were sexy shorts!


How can you not love a television show like ABC’s new Wednesday night hit series, which so completely embraces its own ludicrousness? This is “Gilligan’s Island” with a boatload of Gingers. After five episodes, several days have gone by and only the fat guy is complaining about the lack of cheeseburgers. They’re shipwrecked on a beach that I’d love to take my children to next Spring Break – anybody have a brochure? The only real mystery of “Lost” so far is why the survivors don’t spend more of their days working on their tans.


The intense seriousness of “Lost” has quickly become part of the fun, sort of the way Fox’s silly “24” was a parlor game for its loyal fans in its first few seasons. It’s possible the humor is intentional – J. J. Abrams, the creator of the mock-serious spy drama “Alias,” is one of the creators of “Lost” – but the achingly serious plotting notions suggest otherwise. Each week we’re treated to a different character’s weighty and portentous back-story, typically involving a disclosure so absurdly deep and profound that only a television writer could possibly imagine it. In episode four, it was disclosed that Locke – the bald, nutty-looking guy played by the bald, nutty-looking Terry O’Quinn – was a paraplegic whose ability to walk was actually restored by the plane crash. Thank goodness for the recuperative powers of plummeting to earth at hundreds of miles an hour in a burning jetliner!


The premise of “Lost” is that a few dozen survivors of a flight across the Pacific Ocean have figured out that their crashed plane had veered 1,000 miles off course, meaning that rescuers are relentlessly searching for them across the globe. These folks have no idea where they are, what went wrong, or, apparently, how to get decent cell-phone reception. Nobody seems all that upset to be there, really; there’s been no mention of missed appointments or mourning relatives. Everyone is surviving nicely with toiletries left behind in dop kits, clothes left in suitcases, and food stored in kitchen galleys. (Why no one has yet hit the bottles in the first-class liquor cabinet is yet another of the show’s odd mysteries.)


At first I figured “Lost” would focus itself on metaphysical questions, with thought-provoking plots that explored new notions of Darwinian survival. That was before the discovery of a gigantic monster that eats only Ugly Guest Stars. Even Darwin at his darkest couldn’t have imagined a universe in which the hotties inherit the Earth. By episode three we learned that that the monster is a polar bear; by episode six, we will presumably learn how a polar bear survives in a tropical climate.


Maybe everyone is distracted from thoughts about the future by the presence of so huge a contingent of model worthy men and women. Much has been made of the discovery by the “Lost” producers of Evangeline Lilly, the beautiful actress who plays Kate – the tall, tough felon who was being transported from Sydney to Los Angeles by a bounty hunter. It seems Ms. Lilly is one of those actresses who found her calling by being stopped on the street by an agent and told she must be a model, thus forcing her to give up her plans to pursue an advanced degree in astrophysics. Ms. Lilly has earned herself handfuls of press clips (and Web sites), all despite the fact that she can’t act a lick. This is her first speaking role, assuming anyone’s noticed her speaking. The performance of Matthew Fox as Jack – he’s the Professor – is only marginally better; at least he conveys, at odd moments, a sense of the long-term nightmare that has befallen them. The rest gaze out at the ocean all day as though they fully expect Barry Diller’s yacht to pass by and pick them up any minute.


It’s inevitable (as it is with all television shows that last more than 13 episodes) that the men and women of “Lost” will soon begin dating each other; sooner or later, characters always manage to find a way to pair off. As soon as “Lost” casts aside its pretensions and allows itself to become truly silly and soapy (much like ABC’s other new hit series, “Desperate Housewives”), audiences will be able to embrace “Lost” for what it is: a goof on the notion of human survival, and a television writer’s fantasy of the best way to survive a plane crash. Hint: Don’t forget to pack your bathing suit.


***


A note to David Westin, president of ABC News, and Shelley Ross, executive producer, “PrimeTime Live”:


Did ABC News executives happen to notice the anemic ratings for the “Sex” survey last Thursday on Prime-Time Live? After heavily promoting its silly poll with pictures of babes in bikinis all week long, the show didn’t manage to attract an audience any larger than its usual anemic numbers. Maybe “PrimeTime Live” should take a hint: sex sells, but talking about it (and devoting valuable news division dollars to covering it) doesn’t. As long as it’s not going to attract any more viewers by pandering to the lowest common denominator, why not devote a weekly hour of prime time – and the resources of its intelligent, talented group of producers and correspondents – to topics that matter?


The New York Sun

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