In Brief

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The New York Sun

CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN 2
PG, 100 minutes


If you’re planning on seeing “Cheaper by the Dozen 2,” then you’re not the kind of person who’s easily insulted. So I’m sure you won’t take this comment the wrong way: If you buy a ticket, you have no right to complain.


What about this movie didn’t telegraph its total lousiness from the start? Its celebration of the maxi-family? The presence of Steve “Total Sellout” Martin? A performance by Hilary Duff, who can’t even convincingly portray herself on screen?


Less a movie than a drive-thru entertainment franchise, “CB12TWO” is the sequel to 2003’s surprise moneymaker, “Cheaper by the Dozen.” This time, the Baker clan, headed by Mr. Martin and Bonnie Hunt, lug their hellspawn to a whites-only lakeside enclave for a family vacation. Across the way live the Murtaughs, a Stepford family headed by a domineering competition junkie, Eugene Levy. Messrs. Martin and Levy engage in a grueling game of one-upmanship until they learn that family – especially a supersize family – is the most important thing of all.


Ms. Hunt manages to skate through untouched and Mr. Levy comes dangerously close to acting once or twice. But Ms. Duff is as emaciated as an Olsen twin, her voice stripped raw by cigarettes and late nights.


From the opening scene to the final, greasy tear that slithers down Mr. Martin’s makeup-coated cheek, there’s not a moment in this movie that isn’t phony and insincere. True, it’s hard to hate a movie that exists only to provide some older actors with a quick paycheck, but look deeper into Mr. Martin’s eyes, and you can see his finer sensibilities screeching like souls trapped in hell. I’m hating this one for you, Steve.


The New York Sun

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