“Reunion” debuts on Fox this Thursday night at 9 – precisely the night and timeslot once owned by the 1990s teen soap to which it owes its greatest debt. Yes, this new series represents nothing more than a knockoff of “Beverly Hills, 90210.” Creator Jon Harmon Feldman may well be the Darren Star of his generation, though not a Darren Star with enough irony and talent to have created “Sex and the City.” He more closely resembles the Darren Star who imagined archetypal high-schoolers hanging out at a cafe called the Peach Pit (herein renamed the Doghouse) and trying to get their balding and difficult dads to, you know, understand.

This is the kind of show your children will consider lame-o, unless they’ve got a kick for 1990s nostalgia, bad acting, and the most hackneyed writing on network television today. It makes Fox’s established teen hit “The O.C.” look Shakespearean; that show’s performances (especially that of the marvelous Peter Gallagher) seem sublime in contrast to this motley assortment of actors, who look like they’re reading off cue cards.

The premise of “Reunion” is that six best friends, who graduated from high school in 1986, have remained friends until 2005, when one of them (by the end of the pilot, we still don’t know which one) has been killed. The show offers a serial structure (much like such Fox successes as “24” and, now, “Prison Break”) designed to hook us in; we’re supposed to wonder who was killed and why, and actually care what has happened to these three boys and three girls over the last two decades. Why does every clique on television consist of three boys and three girls? If you can’t answer that question, you’re probably reading this column in error – the New York Philharmonic review is on the next page.

If you believe the success of a television series depends more on casting than the script, then you’ll see the failings of “Reunion” right away. The actors Mr. Feldman has assembled to mouth his cliches can barely dredge up the emotions necessary to convince us they’re not about to start giggling. In the pilot episode, two of the male buddies, Craig and Will – played by Sean Faris and Will Estes, respectively – end up in a traffic accident that results in a death. Craig (the rich kid) was driving drunk, but convinces sober Will (the poor kid) to take responsibility, so that Craig won’t have to go to jail and give up his plans to go to Brown. The plan backfires and Will ends up in jail for a year. Issues of class and jealousy permeate the pilot in ways that mirror “90210,” but without the kooky spirit of the original. As Mr. Feldman might have written it, this dud’s a downer, man.

By coincidence – or maybe not – the pilots of both “90210” and “Reunion” were directed by slumming feature-film directors; Tim Hunter made his reputation in 1986 with the dark teen drama “River’s Edge,” while “Reunion” director Jon Amiel filmed features like “Entrapment” and “The Core.” Whatever style Mr. Amiel might have once been known for is not in evidence here. Perhaps he was attracted to the novel notion of the “Reunion” structure; a year’s time will take place between each week’s episodes, building to a climax at the end of the season’s 20th reunion. Presumably, like “24,” next season will focus on a new and different gathering of friends; maybe they’ll form a terrorist cell and plot a suicide bombing of their old high school.

It’s sad to see Fox regress to its Barry Diller days with a show like “Reunion,” which offers so little substance or intelligence to the network’s discerning and expectant audience. At least “24” and “Prison Break” use a provocative premise to entice us into their well-realized worlds. “Reunion,” on the other hand, is all about its supposedly clever idea – and once we get it, we’re treated to nothing more than retreads of old, tired notions of high-school romance and intrigue. Darren Star has long since moved on to more sophisticated subcultures; Mr. Feldman, an otherwise gifted writer of shows like “The Wonder Years,” should stop pandering to passe concepts and give us a show worthy of his talent.

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This Sunday night at 8:30, Fox continues its annual tradition of following its consistently brilliant series “The Simpsons” with consistently unfunny sitcoms. This season’s model is called “The War at Home,” and it stars Michael Rapaport and Anita Barone as hypocritically closed-minded parents who, among other things, are paranoid that one of their children may be gay. There were moments when I could have sworn I heard the laugh track groaning in disgust.

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My profuse apologies to the folks at MTV2’s “Wonder Showzen,” especially co-creator Vernon Chatman, who I misidentified as Trevor Chatman in my review last week. I must have done so because I confused him with Trevor, the child who reports for the “Beat Kids” segment of the show – the one who asks the question of the butcher that I quoted, which I misattributed to Clarence, the blue puppet. What can I say? I was the kid who could never remember which one was Bert and which one was Ernie.