Because Valentine’s Day falls on a Monday this year, the city will be celebrating (or cowering) all weekend. Here is a selection of events to suit all varieties of lovebird – and everyone else.

ART

LACY LOVE Merchant’s House displays a collection of 19th-century Valentines. Among the ornate treats is a rare card by the American Esther Howland, who is known as the mother of the modern Valentine. The exhibit traces the history of the holiday from Lupercalia, a midwinter Roman pagan feast, to the martyred saint Valentinus. This weekend, the museum’s Greek Revival parlor plays host to a salon program of romantic songs and arias by 19th-century composers including Schubert, Tchaikovsky, and Puccini. Soprano Jennifer Finn and tenor Dayle Vander Sande are accompanied by pianist Anthony Bellov (Sunday, 5 p.m., $15 general, $12 seniors, members, and children under 12). Exhibit: Through Monday, March 7, Thursday-Monday, noon-5 p.m., 29 E. 4th St., between Lafayette Street and the Bowery, 212-777-1089, $8 general, $5 seniors and students, free for children under 12.

UNHAPPY HOLIDAY The multimedia group exhibit “A Fine Romance!” celebrates the darker side of Valentine’s Day by dwelling on rotting roses, obsessive love, and the Valentine’s Day Massacre. The show takes its title from a sarcastic song by Kern and Fields: “A fine romance, my good fellow!/You take romance, I’ll take Jell-O/You’re calmer than the seals/In the Arctic Ocean/At least they flap their fins/To express emotion.” Reception: Saturday, 5-7 p.m. Exhibit: Through Saturday, March 5, Tuesday-Saturday, noon-6 p.m., Atlantic Gallery, 40 Wooster St., between Grand and Broome streets, fourth floor, 212-219-3183, free.

BENEFITS

HELPING HEARTS Todd Oldham organized the “Open Your Heart” auction, which features photography by people who are usually on the other side of the camera. Missy Elliott, Chloe Sevigny, and Amy Sedaris are among the photographers whose work will be auctioned. Tonight, 6:30 p.m. V.I.P. reception, 7:30 p.m. auction, Puck Building, 295 Lafayette St. at Houston Street, 212-219-2953, $135-$2,500.

DELIVERING LOVE A concert benefiting God’s Love We Deliver features New York artists including Jason Trachtenberg, Bobby Steele, and Housewives On Prozac. Frank Wood hosts the event, which is presented by Music & Love, a downtown charity founded by Black Flamingo, who will perform as well. Tomorrow, 6:30 p.m. doors open, 7 p.m. show, Pussycat Lounge, Cat Bar, 96 Greenwich St. at Rector Street, 212-349-4800, $10.

BOOKS

HISTORICAL ROMANCE Argosy Book Store offers 10% off some of its love-themed antiquarian items this weekend. Shakespeare’s sonnets, a leather-bound copy of “The Art of Love: In Imitation of Ovid de Arte Amandi,” published in 1709, and a Harper’s Weekly black-and-white illustration of a woman reading a Valentine are among the items on sale. Saturday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Monday, 10 a.m.-6 p.m., Argosy Book Store, 116 E. 59th St., between Park and Lexington avenues, 212-753-4455.

BAD SEX IN THE CITY Kyle Smith reads from “Love Monkey” (William Morrow), his novel about a single guy in Manhattan who works at a tabloid newspaper and is perennially unlucky at relationships – although he’s no Prince Charming, he means well. Sunday, 7 p.m., KGB Bar, 85 E. 4th St. at Second Avenue, 212-505-3360, free.

DANCE

QUELLE SCANDALE! The New York Baroque Dance Company demonstrates the risque art of parasol flirtation at an afternoon event. The group also performs 18th-century dances and reads excerpts of poetry and personal letters from the era. Afterwards, the audience can learn a period dance under the palms of the Winter Garden. Monday, 12:30 p.m., World Financial Center Winter Garden, 220 Vesey St. at the West Side Highway, 212-945-0505, free.

FAMILY

ZOO YORK The Bronx Zoo celebrates Valentine’s Day with two-for-one admission. Visitors can learn about mating habits of crocodiles and see snow leopards during their peak breeding season. Saturday through Monday, 10 a.m.-4:30 p.m., Bronx Zoo, Bronx River Parkway and Fordham Road, Bronx, 718-367-1010, regular admission is $10 general, $7 children and seniors.

LAVENDER LOVE Families can make sweet-smelling lavender herbal sachets and unique Valentine’s Day cards at a workshop in Brooklyn. Saturday, 1-3 p.m., Wyckoff Farmhouse Museum, 5816 Clarendon Road, Brooklyn, 718-629-5400, $4 each person, reservations required.

SAILORS’ SMOOCHES Landlubbers can learn about the history of sailors’ Valentines at a family program this weekend. Children can make cards of their own, too. Saturday, 1-4 p.m., South Street Seaport Museum, 12 Fulton St., between Front and South streets, 212-748-8758, free with museum admission, $8 general, $6 seniors and students, $4 children ages 5 to 12, free for members and children under 5.

FILM

LET’S STAY TOGETHER (BUT HOW?) Two Boots Pioneer Theater screens two films that make the case for the complexity of relationships, whether they succeed or fail. “Love and Cheating” is a serious look at the feasibility of monogamy. Di rector Thom Powers interviewed a former male stripper and his wife, both of whom had affairs; a “poly-amorous” middle-aged couple; a Baptist minister and his wife, who have been married for 50 years; and sex columnist Dan Savage. The film also includes archival clips from home movies, news reels, and “sexploitation” movies (Saturday, 5:30 p.m.). Michel Gondry’s “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” is about brain chemistry, opposites that attract, and the importance of treasuring fleeting love. The Oscar nominated film, with a script by Charlie Kaufman, is screened on Valentine’s Day (Monday, 7 p.m.). Both films: Two Boots Pioneer Theater, 155 E. 3rd St., between avenues A and B, 212-591-0434, $9 general, $6.50 members.

FOOD & DRINK

STICKY FINGERS As if Valentine’s Day wasn’t already the most sticky-sweet of all holidays, Peanut Butter & Co. offers a special prix-fixe menu for lovebirds. The meal includes heart-shaped sandwiches, peanut-butter cookies, and conversation hearts. Noshers can wash it down with a big glass of strawberry milk sipped through a heart-shaped straw for two. Awww. Saturday through Monday, 11 a.m.-10 p.m., Peanut Butter & Co., 240 Sullivan St., between Bleecker and W. 3rd streets, 212-677-3995, $30 includes a jar to take home.

LI’L DUMPLINGS The owner of the Kitchen Club and Chibitini, Marja Sampson, leads an afternoon class in making chocolate dumplings. Saturday, 3 p.m., Broadway Panhandler, 477 Broome St., between Greene and Wooster streets, 212-966-3434, free.

MUSIC

AMOR HURTS “A Tres Voces” is a Spanish language concert of romantic songs such as “Perdon” and “Obsesion.” Saturday, 8 p.m., El Museo del Barrio, Teatro Heckscher, 1230 Fifth Ave. at 104th Street, 212-660-7132, $20 general, $15 seniors, students, and members.

GAY OLD TIME The Gay Valentine concert celebrates romance with performances by the Canticum Novum Singers, the Gay Gotham Chorus, the Paul Taylor Dance Company, cabaret performers Michael Ferreri and Jeanne MacDonald, and poet Ron Price. Proceeds go to Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS. Saturday, 8 p.m., Town Hall, 123 W. 43rd St., between Sixth and Seventh avenues, 212-307-7171, $20-$100.

POETRY

LET THEM COUNT THE WAYS Verse Press honors the day of love with a night of poetry. Simultaneous parties in Boston, Chicago, Washington, Seattle, and New York celebrate the release of the anthology “Isn’t It Romantic,” a collection of love poems by “younger American poets” that also includes a CD of love songs. Monday, 8 p.m., Knitting Factory, 74 Leonard St., between Church Street and Broadway, 212-219-3132, $10 in advance, $12 at the door.

READINGS

MIGHT AS WELL FACE IT Writers read from their autobiographical accounts of obsessive love (and other vices) at “Addicted to Love.” Readers include Ian Frazier, Molly Jong Fast, Susan Shapiro, and Dave Itzkoff. Sunday, 7:30 p.m., Fez Under Time Cafe, 380 Lafayette St. at Great Jones Street, 212-533-7000, $10.

AFTER BACHELORHOOD Contributors to the new essay collection “Committed: Men Tell Stories of Love, Commitment, and Marriage” read from their odes to coupledom. Readers at the event include humorist Andy Borowitz, James Wolcott, novelist Jonathan Burnham Schwartz, and Tad Friend, a writer for The New Yorker whose courtship of food writer Amanda Hesser was chronicled in her book “Cooking for Mr. Latte.” Monday, 7 p.m., Housing Works Used Book Cafe, 126 Crosby St., between Houston and Prince streets, 212-334-3324, free, used book donations encouraged.

SINGLES

RIGHT ROMANCE The New York Young Republican Club hosts a party that occurs early enough that attendees could comfortably schedule a first date on, say, Monday. Right-wing singles gather to mingle in a dimly lit bar with a “foreplay menu” of cocktails – don’t tell the Christian Coalition. Tonight, 7-10 p.m., Madame X, 94 W. Houston St., between LaGuardia Place and Thompson Street, free.

FINDING A NEEDLE The things we do for love: Singles are invited to comb through an actual haystack stuffed with other local singles in Herald Square. Along the way, they might also stumble across diamond earrings and other larger-than-a-needle prizes buried in the hay. Monday, 9 a.m.-4 p.m., Herald Square, 34th Street between Sixth Avenue and Broadway, 212-453-2154, free.

THEATER

V IS FOR… A performance of Eve Ensler’s “The Vagina Monologues” celebrates “VDay,” the February 14 holiday created by the playwright to raise awareness about violence against women. A free Valentine’s burlesque show follows the performance (10 p.m.). Monday and Tuesday, 7 p.m., Galapagos, 70 N. 6th St., between Kent and Wythe avenues, Williamsburg, Brooklyn, 718-782-5188, $15 seated, $10 standing.

TOUR

BURR’S OTHER DUEL Vice President Burr became the second husband of Eliza Jumel in 1833, when he was 77 and she was 58. Less than a year later, the slayer of Alexander Hamilton and “the richest woman in New York” separated. Burr was served divorce papers in 1836, on his deathbed. Visitors to Jumel’s family home, the Morris-Jumel Mansion, can learn about their ill-fated union during a tour of the historic building this weekend – just in time for Valentine’s Day. Saturday, 11 a.m.-noon, Morris-Jumel Mansion, 65 Jumel Terrace, between 160th and 162nd streets, 212-923-8008, $5 general, $3 seniors, students, and members.

WEDDINGS

DO YOU TAKE THIS SOFA? Four couples that love IKEA – no, really love IKEA – will get married tomorrow at the furniture megacompany’s Paramus, N.J., store. Chuck Woolery of “The Dating Game” and Paramus’s mayor, James Tedesco, will preside over the dignified ceremony. The first 50 people who arrive dressed in bridesmaids dresses will receive a $100 gift card and can participate in the festivities. After the ceremony, everyone is invited to a reception with Champagne, a Swedish buffet, and dancing. Tomorrow, 9:30 a.m. ceremony, IKEA Paramus, 100 IKEA Drive, Paramus, free.

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