Back-to-School Anxiety

As September looms, I find myself with a pit in my stomach.It’s that time of year again.Just as we parents can still remember the exhilarating burst of freedom that came in the middle of June, we can also still summon the feelings of anxiety and dread that appeared as the end of August neared.One of my oldest friends recalls that she couldn’t wait for the school year to begin; for new L. L. Bean moccasins to arrive, for fresh uniforms and leather jackets to be purchased, for soccer practices to be under way, for the crisp fall air to fill her lungs.I guess children – and parents – fall into two camps. Because when my son’s uniform arrived last week from Lands’ End, stiff oxford blue shirts and navy pants, my ambivalence was palpable. On the one hand, I was dying to tear open the package and propel my son to first grade. On the other, I was ready to stick my children in the car and head for the hills of Vermont – as if rural life would protect them from the pressures and pace of New York.There are so many advantages to being raised in this bustling city. But there are drawbacks, too. Our children’s academic life is filled with its own unique set of predicaments.New York children, attending private or public schools, seem to have – even at the earliest ages – linked achievement in grade school to gaining admission to an Ivy League college, getting a great job, making lots of money, and living, well, happily ever after. My friends with teenagers keep talking about how much harder it is for their children to navigate the college application process. They go on and on about the amount of studying that is required for midterms and finals. This year more than one elite private school tackled cheating scandals. The level of anxiety among New York children, and their parents, seems to have reached a record high.I also grew up in New York and attended a private school and later on an Ivy. I often wonder, are things really more stressful today, or are we just imagining the increase?According to Dr. Georgia Witkin, author of “KidStress” (Penguin, 2000) and director of the Mt. Sinai Medical School Stress Program, “Kids today face a lot more school stress than we ever did.” There is divorce and sibling rivalry and the death of a loved one and the complicated world we live in. But high on the stress list is school. We live “in an age when more is more, so success- and achievement-oriented parents put pressure on their kids to ‘make it,'” she writes. “They push their children to become overachievers.”Even more alarming is information compiled by the American Institute of Stress, in Yonkers, which warns that teen suicide has become a national epidemic. Some 500,000 teenagers in America attempt suicide each year; approximately 5,000 succeed. Among those between 15- and 24-years-old, statistics show that suicide is the third leading cause of death. Even more shocking, though, is the research that reveals suicide as the sixth leading cause of death among children and adolescents ages 5 to 14.So it seems that the increase in stress is bona fide. And the environment at school is one of the reasons. Public schools in New York, and the more than 1 million kids who attend them, are more crowded than they’ve ever been. And both public and private schools are doling out the homework like it’s going out of style.“I don’t remember my parents stopping their lives and helping me do my homework,” says one of my close friends. “But barely a night goes by where I don’t spend a couple of hours helping my kids complete assignments. It’s ridiculous. And I’m not the only one. Everyone I know is helping their kids with their homework.”Maybe Vermont isn’t such a bad idea.Most parents I know are aware of the ways to ease their children’s stress. Beware of over programming your kids. Keep the lines of communication open. Try to keep your own stress at the office. Balance your children’s academics with sports or other extracurricular activities. Make sure you are keeping your own aspirations for your children in check. And watch out for signs of stress: nail biting, insomnia, and frequent complaints of headaches and stomachaches.Last weekend, along the rocky beaches of Nantucket, I took a long walk with a close friend’s daughter, who is entering the sixth grade at the Horace Mann School. She is definitely not looking forward to the start of the school year. “There’s just so much homework,” she said of the legendary pressure cooker. Approximately 20 kids in her class of 80 had left at the end of last year to find kinder and gentler schools.I wanted to wrap my arms around her and tell her that it didn’t matter. That she should be having fun, and making close friends. That it was more important that she learn to love the process of learning than study extra hard for the weekly quizzes. Maybe, I wondered aloud to the 11-year-old, she didn’t have to do quite so much homework.“I want to get good grades,” she said quietly. And what could I say? That it didn’t matter? It does, and she knows it. It certainly doesn’t matter as much as she thinks it does, but it matters.

Back-to-School Anxiety

Back-to-School Anxiety

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