“Can you hear me now?” is a question associated with spotty cell phone service, but it’s becoming more and more applicable to sitting down to dinner in New York. Manhattan restaurants are loud – and seem to be getting louder all the time. As restaurateurs turn up the volume, cram tables within a hair’s breadth of each other, and keep the mood at something just short of a rave, diners are losing patience.

“This so enrages me. New York City is full of interesting people with something to say – and you can’t hear it,” said designer Marilyn Davidson, who lives on the Upper West Side.

“I go out to dinner to talk with my husband. We avoid hip places, because we assume we won’t be able to talk to each other,” said Sara Moulton, executive chef of Gourmet magazine and host of the Food Network’s “Sara’s Secrets.”

Whether you’re trying to construct a deal, catch up with friends, or whisper sweet nothings, locating a quiet restaurant in which to do so is no minor accomplishment.

When it comes to loud restaurants, there are essentially four categories. First, there are the Confused. These are the hotspots that are intentionally loud because they can’t decide if they are a lounge, restaurant, or bar. The Meatpacking District is an especially guilty neighborhood; think One Little West 12th, Rhone, and Vento (downstairs).

Second, there are the Loud-By-Designs. These are the bistros and brasseries built to maximize sound. The deafening din that leaves a buzz in your ears at Pastis, Schiller’s Liquor Bar, and Artisanal is all part of the act.

The third group is made of the Hapless Unfortunates. For one reason or another – be it bad luck, hard surfaces, or tiny space combined with poor music choices – the sound level is just too much. The echo chamber that is the Biltmore Room suffers from its much-marbled walls. Lupa, Porcupine (depending on the songs), and Blue Ribbon Bakery are also among the unlucky.

The best group, though, is the fourth: the Just Rights. They have a strong hum of conversation, the music is present, but somehow it all works. Restaurants can fall in and out of this category almost nightly. But for a smattering, consider Babbo, Balthazar, and Ouest.

For the Confused, the problem is mainly music. Whether there’s a DJ spinning or just a series of throbbing, upbeat tracks to give the house energy, the volume often goes up as the night goes on. “The music tends to get louder as the conversation gets louder. Then they raise the volume, so that people can hear the music. It’s a vicious cycle,” said Andrew F. Bell, a wine importer who frequents restaurants up to six nights week for dinner or drinks.

“It seems that it’s the new formula. Restaurants have to be overly noisy and overly crowded,” said Ms. Moulton

“The younger crowd is used to bars that are very loud,” said a restaurant consultant and former Zagat editor, Benjamin Schmerler. “They won’t feel like they’re in place that’s hip unless it’s loud.”

But there is also a certain lack of foresight that new restaurant owners fall prey to. Establishments that try to achieve a modern look with cold, hard surfaces such as marble and steel, forgo any chance of dampening noise. “With modern design comes a certain level of noise,” said restaurant consultant Rozanne Gold, chef-director of the Joseph Baum & Michael Whiteman Co.

And there are added costs of having someone to address the way that a room should sound. “There are a lot of people opening restaurants on a shoestring,” said Ms. Gold. “It takes some knowledge with an architect or a designer to create rooms that are not noisy.”

There are tricks of the trade that are designed to absorb sound, such as fabric-covered walls, carpets, and squares of foam hidden under chairs and tables. But no amount of absorption can help an owner who can’t decide if he wants to own a scorching hot bar with food or a proper restaurant.

The problem for New York foodies comes when there is serious talent in the kitchen but an equally serious roar in the dining room. At Spice Market, Jean Georges Vongerichten attracts diners who can afford entrees that cost up to $29 – and who don’t mind the noise. Chef John Delucie knows his way around fresh, contemporary Italian fare, but when too many hipsters crowd into La Bottega, the place feels like a nightclub.

It’s not an issue to skip a meal at the pulsating Pop Burger; the place is more about scene than food. But skipping a new spot like Porcupine (perfect roast suckling pig, tiny tables, loud music) will cut into one’s obsessive knowledge of the food industry, which can be a form of culinary and social death in this town.

For those who can tolerate loud noise, the options are, naturally, more plentiful. And those who go, tend to know what they’re in for. “If you’re going to Pastis, you expect that,” said Mr. Schmerler. “People can’t go to Pastis and then complain after.”

For those who want to eat in relative peace, the answer usually entails a higher price tag. At more expensive fine dining establishments such as Chanterelle and Le Perigord, music is simply not played. The dining room at Alain Ducasse New York has soft background music piped in, but its presence is felt mainly at the beginning and end of service, when the room can feel a bit empty.

“We lower the volume when we have most of the room full,” said general manager Yannis Stanisiere, who says the musical selections include “no singing.”

Playing music during the early or late hours is an approach that the owners of Tocqueville employ as well. “No one likes to walk into an empty room. We keep the music at constant low level,” said co-owner Joann Makovitzky. “We have it a little louder in the bar.”

For Danny Meyer’s Union Square Hospitality Group, music and sound is a factor calculated with great precision. A sound specialist is brought in to achieve the right mix of acoustics at each restaurant. “Sound is a condiment in the whole dining experience. It’s a lot like salt: too much is bad thing and too little is a bad thing,” said USHG’s director of operations, Richard Coraine.

And each place has it’s own needs. For instance, what’s right for the exposed ceiling and casual setting at Blue Smoke isn’t right for Eleven Madison Park, with it’s large room, terrazzo floor, and 30-foot ceiling.

At the latter establishment, curtains and hidden padding help absorb the sound – though the din is there by design. “There’s a pronounced musical element because of the scale. It needs music, and it needs people,” said Mr. Coraine. “When the restaurant is not completely full, you don’t want to have total silence.”

The variables are different at GramercyTavern, where there is a very low level of music played in the dining room. “It’s a very food and hospitality-driven restaurant. There’s a lot of wood that absorbs a lot of sound,” said Mr. Coraine.

At the group’s newly opened restaurant the Modern, located at the Museum of Modern Art, a new-fangled system has been installed that senses the noise levels and automatically lowers the music when things get too loud.

The approach is much different at Babbo, where chef Mario Batali is an afficionado of music and likes to have it a played prominently, though not obtrusively, in the dining room. And despite the tunes, the dining room sound level is low enough for conversation.

“We’re kind of known for playing rock music, but we actually play a really broad range,” said pastry chef Gina DePalma, who is in charge of the Apple iPod on which the tunes are played at Babbo. “We have Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, Lyle Lovett, early in the evening. As the pace of the evening picks up, the pace of the music picks up. As our job has to quicken, it’s almost necessary to have the pace of the music quicken, too.”

But she’s adamant that it’s not about stimulating appetites so that people eat faster and tables turn over quickly. “We want people to enjoy their meals. It just gives everybody that energy boost,” she said.

And the public seems to be agreeable: “We are a fine dining restaurant with three stars, so it’s unexpected. Most people are pleasantly surprised.”

But while some diners will treasure a room that monitors the proper acoustical levels and make sure it doesn’t get out of hand, not everyone wants a hushed room for every meal. “New York is loud. It’s part of the New York vibe in the restaurant,” said Mitchell Davis, director of publications at the James Beard House. “If restaurants were quiet, people wouldn’t like them as much.”

Indeed, Ms. Gold is happy to let a few loud flowers bloom: “Louder and darker is appropriate for certain places,” she said.

Mr. Bell, the wine importer, knows what it’s like to deal with overly noisy places; he finds it an issue when taking his parents out to dinner. His advice on dealing with noise – when it wasn’t expected – is all about the smile. “It’s like sending back a bottle of wine. If you do it politely, without being mean-spirited, restaurants will accommodate you,” he said.

And if the staffs don’t, then diners like Maureen Atwell, a student who lives on the Upper East Side, vote with their feet. After finding herself screaming to talk to a friend at recent dinner, the verdict was easy: “The place was a nightclub. I wouldn’t go back,” she said.

Indeed, Ms. Moulton, who favors Beppe and I Trulli, says it’s about loyalty to the good ones: “You have to find them, make a note of them, and stick with them.”

From Cozy to Cacophonous , Picks From the Experts

Nobody knows restaurants like members of the New York food industry. We asked 10 of the city’s most frequent diners where they like to go for a quiet meal and where they know they’re in for (or at least where other hearty souls will be in for) an ear-splitting night of “What did you say?”

Ruth Reichl, editor in chief, Gourmet magazine
LOUD Peasant – QUIET L’Impero

Andrea Strong, writer, “The Strong Buzz” food blog
LOUD Sushi Samba – QUIET Sumile

John Harding,food marketing consultant
LOUD Chango – QUIET Tropica

Dana Cowin, editor in chief, Food and Wine magazine
LOUD Schiller’s – QUIET Per Se

Jean-Louis Carbonnier, wine marketing and public relations
LOUD French Roast – QUIET Le Perigord (Upper West Side)

Lucinda Scala Quinn, food editor, Martha Stewart Living
LOUD Pastis – QUIET Annisa

Sara Moulton, executive chef, Gourmet magazine
LOUD Gonzo – QUIET Le Bernardin

Margo True, executive editor, Saveur magazine
LOUD Blue Fin – QUIET Honmura An

John Mariani, food and travel columnist, Esquire magazine
LOUD Balthazar – QUIET Alain Ducasse New York

Chris Hoffman, Shecky’s Media Inc.
LOUD Spice Market – QUIET Room 18