A Hummer for Alpha Males

Brand extensions are always fun to watch. They’re especially entertaining in the case of Hummer, a sport utility vehicle whose reputation is based on sheer size and intimidation.Start with the fact that the first extension of the brand, the Hummer 2, was a smaller, more civilian-friendly version of the military Humvee.True, the H2 was a behemoth, but anyone who ever drove one knew in the back of his mind that he was settling for something smaller and less intimidating than the assault tank that Arnold Schwarzenegger drives.Then came the Hummer 3. Still larger than almost anything else on the road, but another notch down on the intimidation scale. That is, until the guys in General Motors’ marketing department got to work.They came up with the new Alpha series, which refers to an H3 that’s juiced up with a 5.3-liter V8 and a towing capacity of 6,000 pounds. It makes the Hummer an Alpha Hummer in a way that no amount of wardrobe changes or silly awards can make Al Gore an alpha male.It’s deserving of its “do-anything, go-anywhere” ad campaign and, not unlike Al Gore himself, must leave one heck of a carbon footprint after even the most relaxed of Sunday drives.Of course, does anyone know a Hummer owner who cares about offending environmentalists? The Alpha Hummer’s suspension system was validated in Moab, Utah, as well as the fabled Rubicon Trail, which is a nice way of saying that there wasn’t a mountain, gorge, or gulley that this baby didn’t squash.It’s got a ground clearance of more than nine inches. It can handle a 40% side slope and a 60% head-on slope, gradations that would see most other sport utility vehicles flip over into submission.The following off-road credentials are even cooler: The H3 can ford two-foot-deep streams at a five mile-per-hour pace. It can climb 16-inch vertical steps, as well as race (race, mind you!) on sand. (Last guy to Riyadh is a rotten egg…)The Hummer brand extension really works because most would-be H3 Alpha owners have no immediate plans to negotiate a steep mountainside in Moab. (Does Mr. Schwarzenegger do any of this stuff, either?) Most owners are yuppies with an intense desire to be more macho, or mid-life crisis types who think buying a Corvette is just too predictable.In either case, they’re affluent, politically conservative, and want something that, at the end of the day, they can park on a city street or in a parking garage without the help of a small army.The same desire goes for luxurious interior appointments, too. The badge might say Hummer, but the leather bucket seats are brought to you by the same folks who supply Cadillac.

A Hummer for Alpha Males

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