Roaches, mice, and other vermin, oh my! Who would ever imagine that Starbucks, home of the $3.50 cup of java, would be afflicted with these woes? Although I’ve maligned the franchise before, I’ve become accustomed to its existence on every street corner of this city, and I will humbly attempt to offer a solution to the common urban plagues Starbucks employees are complaining about.

On August 16, current and former employees of the coffee chain filed a federal complaint claiming that bosses have refused to heed repeated warnings about inadequate training and chronic infestations of roaches, rats, and other vermin in New York stores. Starbucks has denied the allegations, saying the complaints were instigated by union activists.

I have no way of determining if the allegations are valid because I’m not a regular customer. In fact, I avoided patronizing the place for many years until I was forced to meet someone there for an interview and it was the most convenient setting. Its ubiquity makes it a handy meeting site. Others, however, find the gourmet coffeehouses downright dangerous.

The British actor Rupert Everett has organized a petition against the company setting up shop in his London neighborhood. Mr. Everett said: “Starbucks is spreading like a cancer. Nobody in the neighborhood wants it, including me. There are plenty of diners and coffee shops there already.”

Mr. Everett and 1,000 of his neighbors have signed the petition, which claims the store’s opening next month on Conduit Street will herald the end of a long tradition of independent shops on the street. One neighbor, Ash Ranpura, told a Daily Mail reporter, “The loss of such a thriving street to global chains would be a great loss for the capital.”

Yes, it is sad when quaint little neighborhood spots are replaced by trendy yuppie hangouts, but that’s progress and the way capitalism works, Rupert.

While Starbucks may seem a growing malignancy to these Londoners, I find its presence much less threatening than the onslaught of luxury condominiums that erase entire neighborhoods. That’s what’s happening in New York City.

Starbucks just fills a niche in the community for meetings, Internet access, or the old-fashioned coffee break. If the diners and coffee shops that Mr. Everett cherishes so much are worthy of being patronized, they will survive.

In the meantime, as promised, I tender my answer to the Starbucks quandary. Every store that allegedly has a problem with four-legged vermin should visit the local ASPCA and adopt a cat. Even PETA can’t complain about that. There are thousands of good mousers awaiting termination at city and private humane shelters. Save them.

I was never a cat lover until my daughter took in a kitten named Kiki. We had always had a mouse problem because our house is situated next to a wooded area populated by raccoons, possums, squirrels, and, of course, mice. Traps and exterminator visits worked only temporarily. Kiki, however, was a born mouser and once she patrolled the premises, they stayed away.

Roaches, of course, are another story. They date from the prehistoric era and have probably survived several global warmings. Although keeping an immaculate dwelling may keep them away, these creatures can still invisibly worm their way into your home and live on the paste in book bindings.

In Mariners Harbor, a family’s ordeal made the front pages of the Staten Island Advance. These insects had overrun the Leonardo residence and lived in the appliances as well as the children’s playpens and cribs. The entire building was infested and visits from exterminators were no help.

When I lived on Manhattan’s East Side in a high-rise apartment, the exterminators would spray one apartment and the roaches would just move from that apartment to another. No matter what we did, they kept returning. When we moved to our house in Staten Island, I was thrilled that we were finally roach-free. Alas, those nasty critters had moved with us in our boxes and within a month, they were swarming all over. Roach motels, boric acid, and sprays only briefly contained them.

A news article in a local paper mentioned a product called Roach Prufe that promised to do the trick. It’s a powdered solution of boric acid and a secret ingredient that must be pixie dust because after I set the powder behind the stove, in the rear of the cabinets, and behind the radiator (it must stay intact to work), the roaches were gone in two weeks and never returned.

So there you have it, Starbucks. Adopt the cats, get Roach Prufe, and maybe your employees will smile at me once in a while.