TURNER TIME “Ted is like Zorba the Greek, he just gets up and dances,” said Ken Auletta, introducing Ted Turner at the 92nd St Y on Tuesday. The event marked the publication of Mr. Auletta’s book “Media Man: Ted Turner’s Improbable Empire” (Atlas Books).

Mr. Auletta recalled that the CNN founder had once begun a speech before a German audience by telling them that they were “a bunch of losers” for having lost World Wars I and II. Mr. Turner had then gone on to win over the audience with, “So are the Atlanta Braves, a team I own, and – like them – you can turn it around, too!”

Though he admitted that he doesn’t have quite the same energy he did 20 years ago, Mr. Turner fired off as many barbs as ever in the direction of favorite targets: politics, business, and environmental policy.

Rolling out putdowns, Mr. Turner said that in Iraq “they had a nut running the country but we have now spent $200 billion digging him out of a fox hole and the guy’s going to develop prostate cancer before we can bring him to trial. There wasn’t a single Iraqi on the plane on 9/11.We’re fighting the wrong country!”

Noting just how few Congressmen have children serving in the military in Iraq, he said, “We have a mercenary army like Rome did at the end. I think all parts of society should be over there or we shouldn’t be over there at all.”

Mr. Turner said he would have ended up buying Time Warner “in a couple of years” and having the power to kick Gerald Levin from the top perch rather than vice versa. “In Monopoly, when I played it as a child, the game was over when one guy owned everything…I would have liked to have swept the board. I nearly got there but I just got tired, I wore myself out going to all the Braves games and traveling around the world to India and Japan and selling TV spots myself.”

Mr. Turner mentioned his new venture, consisting of a restaurant chain that has 26 outlets (one opens in New York soon). But he admitted that it was not giving him the same satisfaction as building CNN from a startup that he scrambled to finance. “CNN came out of my heart and soul and I didn’t like to leave. I loved the entertainment business. I’ll never get over being pushed out after the merger.”

What was the secret of business success? “Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell, and advertise,” said Mr. Turner, adding that all of his companies have been startups. “I never had enough money to buy anything bigger.” He said that overachievers like himself work 18 hours a day and are often insecure at the start. “I have got a little more secure with time but not a whole lot more.”

On security, Mr. Turner said that nuclear weapons are the most dangerous things ever devised. “The president of any of these countries, which have them, could have a nervous breakdown and press the button to launch them. I don’t see that any leader should have that kind of power.” He favors disarmament.

One audience member asked, “Why haven’t you won the Nobel peace prize?” Turner retorted, “I am not in control of that.” He acknowledged he had a bust of Gandhi and of Martin Luther King on his desk. On the shelf he had busts of Lord Nelson and of Alexander the Great, Mr. Auletta pointed out. “Yes,” said Mr. Turner, “I was a man of war 40 years ago. Now I am a man of peace!”

After the talk, Mr. Auletta signed copies of his book, continually flashing the brilliant grin that had also signaled his delight at Mr. Turner’s antics. “Isn’t he something?” he said about Mr. Turner on stage. “You just have to let him go.”

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THOMAS TALKS Hearst Newspapers columnist Helen Thomas entertained a packed audience at a breakfast at the 21 Club hosted by the New York Women in Communications.

The veteran White House correspondent recalled an instance when President Johnson asked Bill Moyers, who served as press secretary, to say grace over dinner. “Speak up, Bill,” Johnson at one point interrupted him. “I wasn’t talking to you, Mr. President,” Mr. Moyers replied.

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KNICK-KNACKS Gloria Vanderbilt is slated to appear at Barnes & Noble at 1972 Broadway on October 13…Business Week celebrates its 75th anniversary tonight….Mystery legend Julius Fast and vintage cover artist Mitchell Hooks are among those who will be at a gathering of Paperback and Pulp Fiction aficionados this Sunday at the Holiday Inn at 440 W. 57th St.