BYOB, Not ‘See and Be Seen’

With the temperature more comfortable, singles are casting about for things to do this summer in the five boroughs. Thanks to that late May-early June heat wave product, “Sex and the City: The Movie,” and a new television show set in New York City, “Gossip Girl,” most people think dating in the city requires both genders to throw their money at Manolo Blahnik stilettos, Armani suits, and very expensive cocktails.Not only does such activity generate a very large tab, it also adds up to a lot of pressure, and that certainly doesn’t help anyone date successfully.In fact, the great thing about New York is how easy it is to be single and meet people without blowing the bank.New York is the best place in the world to date on the cheap. It’s all so great it is already cliché. Central Park is the famous walk, but there’s also Carl Schultz Park and Battery Park City. Couples and groups can walk through the maze of rooms at the Met and then have a cocktail on its terrace roof, see free Shakespeare plays performed outdoors in the summer, listen to barge music off Brooklyn Bridge. Ok, you already know this list.The one place to meet a special someone to do all of those things with may be the location single New Yorkers value the most and spend the most on, but use the least. Yes, those cramped, zero-square-foot New York City apartments. It may just be the hottest place on a weekend night. Hot in the good sense, not the heat wave sense.To some ears, this sounds like heresy: staying home on a Saturday night, and worse, letting people in to what has become a sacred space, the only place where a single can be alone.But, we singles are overlooking the most prized possession in New York — our own real estate. We may not have much of it, but our places can be tweaked enough to throw a party and invite as many friends that can fit in it. Perhaps, maybe twice as many: New Yorkers know how to have a good time even in the most crowded of settings. After all, that’s how we determine what the hottest spots are.In fact, it’s how I met my last boyfriend. To be exact, it was a garden party. He broke in on a conversation I was having, and soon enough we were having our own chat outside — being in private garden space in New York, especially at night, is a great backdrop to the beginning of a romance.“House parties force a different level of conversation, and there is a greater level of trust involved,” the chief scientific adviser of chemistry.com, Helen Fisher, said. “You might meet a person you might not look at a bar, but might fall in love with at a party.”By letting down one’s guard at home, a single person opens him or herself up to all sorts of possibilities — and that’s the mindset that helps romance along.House parties give guests a sense of immediacy and intimacy. Their atmosphere is much more conducive to fostering romantic relationships than bars. It may be a friend of a friend or a friend of a friend of a friend that you meet, but at least he or she is not a complete stranger. It is comforting to know that that person is one degree or some degrees removed from an actual friend.Recently, a journalist friend of mine had a house warming party for her boyfriend who just moved in with her. They invited mutual friends, but also their own friends to the gathering. “Having your friends and his friends there really widens the circle of potential people you’ll meet,” she said. “A lot of people get stuck in small social circles and this is a way to get out of it. People should encourage their friends who are dating to have a party.”At the very least, party goers get the chance to expand their social network. “It’s refreshing to go to a party where there’s a whole new set of people whether they’re from a different borough or a different profession,” she said.And there are perks not just for the attendees, but also for the host of the party: minimal walking in high heels, freedom to choose the people you’re surrounded with, not to mention: a fabulous excuse to clean your apartment, and winding up with bottles of wine when everyone leaves. So hello to more BYOBs.In “Sex and the City: The Movie,” Jennifer Hudson’s character comes to New York in search of love. We shouldn’t forget that in all of New York’s magnificence and splendor, the city is a glorious town for finding love as well.kherrup@nysun.com

BYOB, Not ‘See and Be Seen’

BYOB, Not ‘See and Be Seen’

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