A son’s a son until he finds a wife. A daughter’s a daughter for the rest of her life.” When I had two boys, this Yiddishism used to drive me mad. There was no doubt that my boys were my greatest blessing, but who would take care of me when I was 80? Besides, I wanted to experience the joy of raising a daughter – of playing with dolls, lipstick, dress-up, and all the other things I had heard my friends talk about, and of eventually having with my daughter the special relationship that I myself have with my mother. And then I had Kira. I was ecstatic and everyone who knew me let out a sigh of relief.

Of course, we all know that health is the only thing that really matters. But just as there are plenty of people who genuinely don’t care about the sex of their child, there are plenty of those who do. And for the first time in history, advances in reproductive technology have made gender selection scientifically feasible.

Forging the path of gender selection is MicroSort, in Fairfax, Va. Their technology is based on a dyeing process that allows them to distinguish between the X- and Y-bearing sperm cells. Their brochure quotes the American Society for Reproductive Medicine Ethics Committee 2001 report, which states that “sex selection might provide perceived individual and social goods such as gender balance or distribution in a family with more than one child, parental companionship with a child of one’s own gender, and a preferred gender order among one’s children.” To receive treatment, couples must fall into one of two categories: those with a history of an X-linked disease, where the woman is a known carrier (such couples may qualify for free treatment), and those interested in “family balancing,” who are charged roughly $3,000 a try. Couples in the latter group, which makes up the majority of cases, must be married, the wife must be between ages 18-39, and they must have at least one child and be selecting for the less represented gender of children in their family.

Despite considerable moral murkiness, for many couples accustomed to watching detailed 3-D sonograms, discovering the sex of their fetus a few months into the pregnancy, and scheduling delivery dates, choosing the sex of their child may not feel unnatural.

When I mentioned MicroSort to people I knew, some were worried about the untested long-term effects of the dyeing process used to sort the sperm, while others focused on the potentially slippery slope that choosing a characteristic of an unborn child represents.

“As much as I’d like to choose the sex of my next child, I’m not so sure we’re meant to be able to make such choices. Choosing your child’s gender seems to cross a certain line,” said an acquaintance.

Some fertility specialists and ethicists agree. Gender choice now, but what’s next? Hair color? Height? IQ? Many European countries already forbid sex selection. But it is legal in America, and since it does not destroy embryos in the process, is likely to stay that way.

I wonder if in 20 years choosing your child’s gender will be common practice. If so, then people will rarely be dissatisfied with their child’s gender. My childhood friend expecting her second boy is dealing with the disappointment. “I really wish I was having a girl. When people only have girls, they never complain or care if they ever have a boy. But people who only have boys? They all care,” she moaned at lunch last week.

Is she right? If we Americans are able to choose, will there be a shortage of boys? If the numbers at MicroSort are an accurate indication, there will definitely be a premium on the Y chromosome. The most recent published statistics show that of the 376 attempts to choose a child’s gender, 325 have been in an attempt to have a girl, and only 51 have been in an attempt to have a boy. (The technique is 88% effective when trying to have a girl and 73% effective in an attempt to have a boy.)

I don’t know how many of these attempts are made by couples trying to avoid genetic illnesses that strike boys, and how many are efforts in family balancing. But since MicroSort’s family-balance trial began in 1995, more than 1,300 couples have signed on – almost 10 times more than joined a companion trial aimed at avoiding genetic illnesses that strike boys.

We New Yorkers can certainly relate to the desire to control as much in our lives as possible. If we want dim sum at 3 a.m., no problem; it can probably even be delivered.

But the gender of our babies? Putting MicroSort aside, it’s still not so simple. And I imagine, or maybe it’s just wishful thinking, that even in 20 years some decisions will be kept out of our hands. I realize I was lucky enough to have both genders naturally, but as I used to sing to myself when pregnant with Kira, and I quote from the Rolling Stones:

No, you can’t always get what you want
You can’t always get what you want
You can’t always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You get what you need.

We need healthy children. We want a boy or a girl. There’s a big difference.