As I near the due date of my fourth child, I am trying to muster up the energy to go through the vast lists of clothing and equipment needed to bring the newest member of the family home from the hospital.

The diapers and creams, undershirts and swaddling blankets, car seat and bassinet – many of these are buried in some dark closet awaiting retrieval. And yet for all mothers and fathers, whether it is their first crack at parenting or their fourth, there is a different checklist that should be more carefully attended to than that practical list of paraphernalia.

Let’s call it the Delegation List. On the brink of baby purgatory, as I consider a baby’s first six, if not 12 weeks, what is most important is parental sanity. It is the strict adherence to the Delegation List that will help achieve such sanity.

At the top of this list is: Figure Out the Food. This is hardly an earth shattering revelation, but when you are cooped up with a newborn, never is it more obvious that everyone in your house needs to eat. Of course, that pesky baby needs to eat somewhere between eight and 12 times a day, but at least his food doesn’t require much preparation. When your family and friends call and ask, “Do you need anything? I’d love to bring you something,” don’t be too quick to say, “Oh, nothing.”

Try this instead: “Actually, if you could pick up a roast chicken and some rice, that would be great.” Or this: “Do you think you could grab some fruit for us at the Korean market?” Or even: “Citarella makes the most delicious chicken pot pie. Do you think you could grab a couple and bring them over?”

Normal, mundane tasks such as grocery shopping are actually difficult the first few weeks, and while New York is food-delivery paradise, there is something to be said for simply opening up the refrigerator and finding food.

Next on the list, for those who have older children, is Keeping the Siblings Happy. Of course there are going to be meltdowns. But if there was ever a time to bribe, it is now. “The baby brought you a present today,” will not sound absurd to a 2- or 3-year-old. Trust me.

So figure out who among your family and close friends can indulge your children now, when they need it the most. Give specific instructions. “Take her for an ice-cream cone.” “Take him to the Museum of Natural History, and let him buy that bag of rocks he’s been asking for.” “Go to the latest and greatest Pixar movie. It doesn’t matter that she’s seen it already – twice.” “Go to the carousel and buy some cotton candy.” “Take them to the Toys ‘R’ Us in Time Square and ride the ferris wheel – for an hour.”

Item no. 3: Designate a Bad Guy. The Bad Guy will insist that all visitors who have come to see the new baby wash their hands with anti-bacterial soap. The Bad Guy will tell those same visitors that it is time to leave – 30 minutes after they arrive. A half hour might fly by for the visitors, but not for parents who have had four hours of interrupted sleep. The Bad Guy will answer the telephone when the answering machine is full, and quickly find a way to get off the phone.

Item no. 4: Postpone Socializing. Put off all fine dining, cocktail celebrations, birthday parties, and charity functions for at least a month. If together you and your partner decide to say no to every single invitation you receive in the first four weeks, you will be free from the pressure of looking half-decent, arranging for a sitter, and worrying about how you will manage to be on time. And if for some reason you feel like having a night out, do it together and enjoy a quiet dinner or catch the latest movie that everyone is talking about.

And finally, add to the Delegation List a thrice-daily reminder that this supposedly joyous time in your life is really more akin to having a few cavities filled without Novocaine. Even with an easy baby, first-time parents will still have to adjust to choppy sleep and cranky spouses that barely resemble the ones they married. Nursing mothers will have a short but steep learning curve on how to feed the abovementioned pesky baby, and all mothers will have a recovery from a smooth and easy delivery or a difficult delivery, depending.

New parents of a second child will have to deal with the incredible sense of guilt that they have ruined their first child’s life – on top of all the trials and tribulations that come from returning to the land of sleep deprivation. New parents of a third child will be triply exhausted, as now there are two little lives that have been ruined by the birth of a baby.

As for those parents going around for the fourth time? I’ll let you know.