Good Mothers Make Good Managers

This article is from the archive of The New York Sun before the launch of its new website in 2022. The Sun has neither altered nor updated such articles but will seek to correct any errors, mis-categorizations or other problems introduced during transfer.

The New York Sun

Ann Crittenden’s economic critique of motherhood, “The Price of Motherhood,” met with great acclaim when it was published in 2001.This month, the former New York Times and Newsweek reporter has published a new book, “If You’ve Raised Kids, You Can Manage Anything” (Gotham Books, $25). Drawing on her own experience – Ms. Crittenden has one son – and interviews with nearly 100 prominent parents in such fields as business, law, government, and academia, she argues that the skills of parenting readily translate to the workplace, and in fact, that parenting makes employees more effective.


Q: “The Price of Motherhood” received a lot of attention for illuminating how American society undervalues the work of parenting and in particular how it leaves women who stay at home to care for children at a permanent economic disadvantage. Why do you think the public responded so strongly to its message?


A: Because it was true. I told the truth about my own life and wrote from a personal place. The thing about this issue is that so many women felt they were alone in it, but they are not alone. That was the exciting thing – I connected. I heard from so many women who said they had sensed what I was saying, and I had put it into words. It was one of those books that told the truth about women’s lives.


How does this new book expand on that discussion?


“If You’ve Raised Kids, You Can Manage Anything” is a follow-on in two ways: It makes the point that child-rearing is extremely challenging, highly skilled work, and it also argues that people should not be punished economically for it. The first book focused on the second part of the argument, and this new book reiterates the positive message of the first part. It shows there is a crossover between work and home; they’re not separate spheres. Work and home are very related, and the skills transfer back and forth.


One of the points you make early on is that one often encounters irrational behavior in the workplace, which can often be managed with the same techniques that work on toddlers. What would you say to critics who think this is an oversimplification?


It’s not to be taken literally. I don’t advocate treating people like children, but the fact is that grown-ups do act in irrational ways sometimes. Someone may lose it or pout or display those basic emotions in the office. The techniques for dealing with those regressions are the same as with a child. I heard so many stories about this. One woman told me that she said to her staff, “Tomorrow, leave your inner child at home.”


Of the skills you cite as necessary for effective parenting – multitasking, negotiating, listening, being empathetic, appreciating differences – which is the most critical in the workplace?


One fun thing about writing the book was that people talked about the profound ways in which children had informed and enriched the way they perform professionally. The most obvious quality people cited was the ability to multitask. It affects a lot of aspects, like setting priorities, focusing on what’s most important, and letting other things sit for a while and sort themselves out. It also means you are extremely well organized and can focus amidst all kinds of distractions. You can handle crises, put out fires. One of the most interesting things I found was the classic study of a top executive’s day, which could be a perfect example for what a busy mother’s day is like.


A key concept in the book is that of “transformative leadership.” Explain what you meant by this term and how it applies to parenting, and in particular to mothering.


Transformative leadership means appealing to people’s highest selves, their deepest aspirations, helping them envisage it and move toward it. Martin Luther King, Susan B. Anthony, and Nelson Mandela are all transformative leaders.


The best parents are transformative leaders. They tell their kids they are capable, good people. They give their kids the ability to hope and dream, and they steer their children toward becoming the best they can be. It’s not gender-specific. When a man is a caregiver, he too can act as a transformative leader. We’re talking about an experience, the experience of parenting. Speaking for myself, I didn’t have a clue about the lessons you learn from raising children until I had a child of my own. But you can learn a lot from working with kids in other capacities. I talk about the parent-child relationship because it is the most intimate.


Connected to this concept is the practice of positive reinforcement. How would you respond to those who say that this approach in managing employees is too soft?


Much of management literature stresses what I call the “enlightened parent” mod el: helping people develop skills, listening respectfully, and that is the most effective form of management. But it’s ignored by whole industries. It’s like the management doesn’t care about their people, and it comes back to them in low morale, low productivity, and higher turnover. It’s destructive, the same way it is to children.


If you’ve raised a kid well, you have to be tough. You have to stick through the toughest challenges anyone has ever faced. You cannot be a softie. This hard-soft separation is a misconception. A parent has to be both firm and loving. Good managers have to be firm and somewhat loving. The CEOs who think in stereotypes are the same people who haven’t been in the trenches raising children. So many of them have never done the day-to-day of childcare.


You point to “being there” for the people who count on you as one of the most important lessons parents learn and apply to the workplace, but for working mothers this inevitably brings conflicts between work and family. How do you recommend women resolve these conflicts?


The time issue is the toughest nut to crack. Sometimes at home there is no substitute for physically being there, and this becomes more and more of an issue for working women as the workplace becomes more demanding. In the 1960s, Americans worked less than in other countries. Now we work more hours. That’s a negative revolution in my view. It’s harder and harder for parents to be there. The only answer is a shorter workweek, no more mandatory overtime.


But there are other ways to be there for your kids, like letting them know you will drop certain things if they need you, that you will always take their phone call. Many parents today drop their leisure activities to spend more time with their kids when they cannot reduce their work time. It’s good for the family, but it’s not a good social arrangement.


The question about combining or separating motherhood and a career is largely limited to an elite audience. And your book is aimed at current or potential managers. To what extent does it empower all women?


I have to write the way I write. I hope it’s as many women as possible. I include helpful suggestions in the back of the book to help translate the skills of parenting onto a resume.


Your book is overwhelmingly positive, but how optimistic are you that American business will recognize the valuable skills women acquire as mothers?


It’s paradoxical, but I’m bizarrely optimistic. Top management has not moved off the dime, but I see more people talking about their kids, drawing lessons from their kids, and it’s more acceptable now. We don’t have to hide the kids’ pictures on our desks. People can be more honest about being committed to their children. I am convinced that if more parents, especially women, become assertive about the value of their experience, they can make change. That’s how change happens. When women take their child-rearing experience seriously, they will persuade management. But it will happen slowly, as more people who have this experience rise to the top levels. At the moment, most of top management has never spent a day resolving challenges at home.


The New York Sun

© 2024 The New York Sun Company, LLC. All rights reserved.

Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. The material on this site is protected by copyright law and may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used.

The New York Sun

Sign in or  Create a free account

or
By continuing you agree to our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use