Poem of the Day: ‘Advice to Her Son on Marriage’

Jonathan Swift (1667–1745) once called his countrywoman and friend Mary Barber (1685–1755) “the best Poetess of both kingdoms,” Ireland and England. This was a judgment not universally acknowledged, particularly among her fellow poetesses. Still, Swift’s patronage ensured the success of Barber’s 1734 “Poems on several occasions,” which is why we have come to hear of her at all. Her body of work consists largely of poems about, and meant for the edification of, her numerous children.Today’s Poem of the Day, in tetrameter couplets, exemplifies Barber’s bent for gently satirical instruction. Her marital advice is largely unimpeachable, including the admonition to bother with personal hygiene, even when no one but your wife is there to smell you. The poem ends, however, with a pinch of larger social commentary. A husband, Barber says, should aid his wife in improving her mind by giving her women authors to read, as models for her own aspiration. Presumably one day she too will need to advise her son in his own marital adventures, and for this and other eventualities it is good to prepare the intellect. Advice to Her Son on Marriage by Mary Barber from The Conclusion of a Letter to the Rev. Mr C— When you gain her Affection, take care to preserve it; Lest others persuade her, you do not deserve it. Still study to heighten the Joys of her Life; Not treat her the worse, for her being your Wife. If in Judgment she errs, set her right, without Pride: ‘Tis the Province of insolent Fools, to deride. A Husband’s first Praise, is a Friend and Protector: Then change not these Titles, for Tyrant and Hector. Let your Person be neat, unaffectedly clean, Tho’ alone with your wife the whole Day you remain. Chuse Books, for her study, to fashion her Mind, To emulate those who excell’d of her Kind. Be Religion the principal Care of your Life, As you hope to be blest in your Children and Wife: So you, in your Marriage, shall gain its true End; And find, in your Wife, a Companion and Friend. ___________________________________________With “Poem of the Day,” The New York Sun offers a daily portion of verse selected by Joseph Bottum with the help of the North Carolina poet Sally Thomas, the Sun’s associate poetry editor. Tied to the day, or the season, or just individual taste, the poems are drawn from the deep traditions of English verse: the great work of the past and the living poets who keep those traditions alive. The goal is always to show that poetry can still serve as a delight to the ear, an instruction to the mind, and a tonic for the soul.

Poem of the Day: ‘Advice to Her Son on Marriage’

More from the New York Sun

Trump Digs in on Bill Pulte To Lead Up National Intelligence, Telling Democrats That He Will Not Negotiate on FISA

Anti-Immigration Riots Erupt in Belfast Following Unprovoked Knife Attack on White Man

Landmark Study Linking Plastics to Preterm Births, Newborn Deaths Kickstarts Demands To End Regulatory ‘Whack-a-Mole’

More from the New York Sun

Trump Digs in on Bill Pulte To Lead Up National Intelligence, Telling Democrats That He Will Not Negotiate on FISA

Anti-Immigration Riots Erupt in Belfast Following Unprovoked Knife Attack on White Man

Landmark Study Linking Plastics to Preterm Births, Newborn Deaths Kickstarts Demands To End Regulatory ‘Whack-a-Mole’

In Defiant Hill Appearance, Southern Poverty Law Center Chief Claims Hate Groups Now Infiltrate Federal Government

Trump Administration, Responding to Lawsuit, Says Delaying White House UFC Event Could ‘Jeopardize’ Fighters’ Health

Britain’s Royal Navy, All Its Hunter-Killer Submarines Out of Action, Leaves Russia Ruling the Deep

Congressional Leaders Demand UFO Transparency, Whistleblower Protections

House Passes $70 Billion Funding Legislation for Immigration Enforcement