DETROIT – Jerome Bettis said Tuesday he is retiring.

Or maybe he said he was perspiring.

It was kind of hard to tell amid the jostling in the scrum at Ford Field, where Bettis was holding court on Super Bowl media day. The return of the Bus to his hometown was almost as big an attraction to the media as the reporter in tight jeans and low-cut blouse from the BET network was to the players.

Joey Porter wasn’t making matters any easier. Sitting at a podium next to Bettis, he was talking both loudly and quickly.

Until the questioning turned a little personal, that is. Like how it felt to be shot, as Porter was in the buttocks outside a Colorado bar a few years ago.

“Why would the guy ask me about being shot? What does that have to do with football?” Porter asked. “Is he trying to ask me about football or is he trying to get me to stand up here and say something wrong?”

Something wrong, of course. Any press type worth his salt knows there’s nothing better than a good revelation to spice things up during Super Bowl week.

There weren’t many to be found, though, in the annual exercise that provides notebook fodder for those who take the game seriously and funny video clips for those who don’t.

Not that it didn’t stop the BET reporter from trying.

“Tell me what position you play and what’s your motivation,” she asked Seattle’s Peter Warrick.

“Punt returner,” Warrick replied.

“What’s that? Paint a picture for me.”

Warrick kicked his leg in the air.

“They kick it. I catch it and return it,” he said.

“Okay. Hey, you guys know you’re on the VIP list for Friday night, don’t you?”

And so it went on a day that the NFL uses to feed the voracious appetite of the assorted press, many of whom probably got the first police escort of their lives in the bus convoy from the hotel to the stadium.

Once there, it was an hour with the Steelers, brunch, and then an hour with the Seahawks. All timed down to the second, with the giant clock at Ford Field ticking down the minutes left in each session.

The major newspapers and the major networks were all there. So was the kid from the Weekly Reader, and the Telemundo goofball who fashioned a Troy Polamalu puppet out of a miniature Steelers’ helmet and someone’s old wig to get attention.

It was mostly a day, though, for the press to get business done, and for players to get the media out of their hair. These are two blue collar teams without attitudes, and no one among the press had to worry about what the likes of a Terrell Owens or Keyshawn Johnson might do.

Likewise, there were no so-called media dressed up as cartoon characters and no Downtown Julie Brown in fishnet stockings. Super Bowl veterans said it was among the tamest such days they had seen, either because the NFL was toning down the act or Detroit just wasn’t a happening place to be.

The best stories here anyway were the real ones.

There was Bettis returning home to play in his most important – and possibly last – game, and linebacker Lofa Tatupu’s unlikely emergence as the rookie leader of the Seattle defense.

Hines Ward talked about how he dreamed of being a pro quarterback but has adjusted to life as a receiver, and coaches Mike Holmgren and Bill Cowher discussed the highs and lows of coaches who at times looked like they were never going to get to this game.

Up in the stands, Ray Rhodes discussed having to back away from some of his duties as Seahawks defense coordinator after suffering two mini strokes and, in a corner of the field, 73-year-old Steelers’ owner Dan Rooney talked about patience and old-fashioned football.

“I’m just a regular guy from Pittsburgh,” Rooney said.

There was still time for a little fun, though, and Seahawks quarterback Matt Hasselbeck had some when he tried to turn the tables on raspy-voiced comedian Gilbert Gottfried, who squeezed his way to the front of the mob in front of Hasselbeck and started shouting over the din.

“Your teammates said you’re funny. Do you have a joke for us?” Gottfried asked.

“I have a joke for you, Gilbert. There’s three kinds of people in the world: There’s those who know how to count and there’s those who don’t.”

There was silence from the crowd, then some forced chuckles.

“I think I get that,” Gottfried said, turning to leave.

“I just made that up,” Hasselbeck said. “That’s pretty good, huh? Thank you, thank you. That’s good stuff.”

Not really, Matt. And not nearly as good as the stuff you’ve been doing on Sundays lately. Proving, of course, that even a Super Bowl quarterback should never quit his day job.

“This is the best part of it, talking to you guys,” Roethlisberger said yesterday. “Being the quarterback, you know that cameras are pointed at you and people want to talk to you. You have to be smart – and know it comes with the territory.”

The Steelers kept their 23-year-old quarterback away from the media hordes Monday, not including him among a six-player contingent made available for interviews. That created speculation they were worried Roethlisberger might be overwhelmed or distracted by the kind of attention no NFL player gets before any other game.

Turns out Roethlisberger handled his Super Bowl unveiling as easily as he did the Bengals, Colts, and Broncos during the AFC playoffs. And certainly better than some much older quarterbacks at Super Bowls past – Hall of Famer Johnny Unitas was grumpy and glum-faced at media day before the Jets’ mega-upset of Baltimore in January 1969, possibly because Earl Morrall was starting ahead of him.

Roethlisberger couldn’t have looked more at ease. Relaxing at an elevated podium as reporters crowded five deep around him on the Ford Field turf, he tugged at the scraggly but lucky-charm beard he can’t wait to shave – “win or lose,” he said – and answered everything thrown his way.

His personal life?

“I have no personal life,” he said.