Giving Children a Little Independence Is Crucial — Even If Parents Panic Sometimes

“We lost our son today for 15 mins. 1st time, and it was terrifying.”So begins a post on the Raising Independent Kids Facebook group I run. Any parent can relate. In fact, a viral story in the news right now is one I was the first to report: A Georgia mom was arrested because she left her son, 10, home while she ran an errand, and instead of staying put, he walked to town. That is, Mineral Bluff, population 370.A woman saw him by himself, asked if he was fine — he was — but then proceeded to call the police. They arrested the mom for “reckless conduct” — the crime of not knowing that her son had wandered off, when “anything” could have happened.That’s crazy. That’s also why at Let Grow, the nonprofit that grew out of Free-Range Kids, we’re trying to change the neglect laws. We want neglect to mean putting your child in obvious, serious danger — not any time you take your eyes off your child, deliberately or accidentally.We’ve gotten our “Reasonable Childhood Independence” laws passed in eight states so far — but not Georgia. And frankly, most times when a child wanders off, there is no arrest. There’s just terror in the heart of the parents.So as today’s public service, I have collected some of the sympathetic and bracing Facebook responses to the mom who lost track of her 8-year-old at a resort for 15 minutes. The boy had been racing his parents: He’d take the stairs down three flights, they’d take the elevator. This worked a couple of times, but then the elevator stalled. When the boy didn’t see his parents, he went off to find them, thinking maybe they’d already gone to the pool without him.The frantic parents raced around and, sure enough, there he was, at their pool spot, waiting for them. He hadn’t even gone into the water. Yet the mom was so terrified that she wondered how she could ever take her eyes off him again. Our readers responded:MEGAN: I had a similar experience last week and have been pondering a similar question since then. …The thought I keep coming back to is that maybe it’s not inherently bad that I had a frightening experience. … I think the best response is to accept that such fear will sometimes happen to me as a parent, and that’s OK. It doesn’t mean I need to do anything differently next time.REBECCA: It sounds like he made some good choices when things went awry. Staying put where you gathered previously, asking an employee for help. He didn’t panic, he didn’t go in the water or parking lot. Those are signs that he IS ready, and he CAN handle this.CHARLOTTE: Your job is to manage your feelings of worry and fear without putting them on your son’s shoulders.DANIEL: Assure him that you wouldn’t leave him behind when you agree upon a meeting place and let him know that you expect the same from him.Let it go at that and move on.MEGAN: We lost our kiddo in Target when they were around 4. It was super scary.What I was able to focus on was that my kiddo … (was) just as scared as we were but still remembered what to do.Focus on that. Nothing bad happened here other than a small judgment error and a communication mishap.KAY: Punishing him by dialing back on freedoms is not the way to respond, nor is supervising more. Kids are still kids and make mistakes. This was minor and just needs a plan for next time.JAMIE: I actually feel like you should feel encouraged after that, not scared! He was using logic/good sense the whole time; he stayed safe and handled things well. … This grew him, and it grew you.CHELLI: Making mistakes is part of the process.Creators.com

Giving Children a Little Independence Is Crucial — Even If Parents Panic Sometimes

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