How Vacationing Families Can Avoid Treating Teenagers Like Toddlers

Americans may take family vacations, but they just can’t seem to escape their fears for their children.When a new University of Michigan/C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital survey asked parents if they’d let their teenager stay in the room while they went downstairs to eat breakfast in the hotel restaurant, the majority of parents said no way. Nor would they let their teenagers — we’re talking ages 13 to 18 — walk a short distance to a cafe.Most also wouldn’t let their teenager go to another part of an amusement park, or even a different exhibit at a museum, unaccompanied. (So, teenagers, you’re getting your fill of abstract expressionism!) This was true even though more than half of parents said they track their children’s location by phone.To be sure, there’s something great about togetherness on a family vacation. That’s the point. Every second of every trip, though? Many adults remember very fondly a time when they — either with their parents’ blessing, or by accident, or sometimes by rank sneakiness — separated from their families on vacation, many even before they were teenagers.A friend of mine, the historian Fernande Raine, still recalls visiting New York City as a child and desperately wanting to explore on her own.Somehow she managed to slip away from her mom and stand right at the edge of the filthy East River. As Ms. Raine wrote to me, “Peering down at the water gave me a sense of power, freedom, and elation all in one.”Needless to say, her mom did not feel that same elation. A cop soon found Ms. Raine and returned her to her folks. Yet Ms. Raine credits that experience with helping to ignite a love of world travel and adventure she feels to this day.And her age at the time? Five.A New York nonprofit administrator and mom of three, Michelle Berney, took a vacation to London last year with her husband and their youngest child, Sam, then 12. While they were eating dinner, wondering whether they’d have enough time to get tickets to the show they wanted to see, Sam volunteered to go get them.When Ms. Berney and her husband said OK, Sam proceeded to navigate the underground, get the tickets, and Uber back, triumphant. For him, says Ms. Berney, that errand “was the high point of the trip. He felt so independent.”Independence isn’t just fun. It’s crucial to child development. A 2023 study in the Journal of Pediatrics found that as children’s independence has been going down over the decades, their anxiety and depression have been going up.A family vacation seems like the perfect time for them to finally explore on their own. They’re someplace new, so they can’t run on autopilot. And usually they’re someplace exciting enough to get them off the couch — maybe even off their phones.What teen wouldn’t want to shop for souvenirs on their own? “One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Floor” is just not a T-shirt that mom is going to buy you. You need a free afternoon!Heck, perhaps the most famous family vacation in history can be found in the Bible. Mary, Joseph, and Jesus, then 12, journeyed to Jerusalem to celebrate the festival of Passover. When it was over and his parents were returning home, Jesus stayed behind — a fact his parents only realized a day later. They hurried back to Jerusalem and finally found their son teaching in the temple. After this, the King James Bible notes, Jesus “increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man.”Giving your children some unsupervised time on this summer’s vacation can show them — and you — who they are, and how much they’re ready to handle on their own. Watch them increase in wisdom and stature!Creators.com

How Vacationing Families Can Avoid Treating Teenagers Like Toddlers

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