In an era of phones and digital time, we don’t buy mechanical watches to keep time. They’re status symbols, jewelry, and just plain cool; a charming blend of style and micro-engineering prowess that lets you carry a little piece of masterful craftsmanship wherever you go.

Having visited the factories in Glashütte, Germany, I have met the men and women who made my Nomos Club Campus and walked through the white buildings where it was born. In some small way, I think about them every morning as I wind up the watch they made me.

But at the top end of the market, companies aren’t simply competing to make the most intricate designs and beautiful pieces; they also try to get a marketing bump by making pieces for the Guinness World Records. I wouldn’t have written about Bulgari’s watch offerings, but when they release the world’s thinnest watch, that raises eyebrows and snatches headlines. The free publicity even extended to a feature in the Gray Lady.

Named the Octo Finissimo Ultra Mark II, Bulgari’s new watch is scarcely thinner than a metal credit card, at a total height of 1.7mm, taking back the title of “world’s thinnest watch” after Richard Mille and Ferrari stole it with their positively obese 1.75mm RM UP-01 from 2022.

In both cases, the engineering involved is truly absurd. They are so thin that almost every mechanism has to be put on the surface of the watch, with separate hour and minute subdials shoved to the side, and every part is absolutely minute.

And the end result is… boring. When you compress everything down to the absolute smallest and flattest configuration, design is always at the mercy of function, and the all-titanium piece is simply messy and unpleasant to look at. It’s better than its truly heinous Richard Mille competitor, but this is a low bar. These are ultra-limited watches — there will only be 20 units made of the Bulgari — and the retail price will have seven figures. Why spend the money on something that you won’t really like, but hey, is mentioned in a book?

I’m not terribly convinced these will be great investments either, as they will be vulnerable to damage, and even necessary regular maintenance will come with egregious price tags. The Bugatti Veyron was not a great investment for the same reason; and that’s despite the Bugatti being iconic and hugely important for car history.

The only upside is that the engineering needed to make a watch like this will hopefully trickle into other Bulgari releases, and they can make more “normal,” stylish watches in the future that can benefit from this work. But they have been making these ultra-thin watches for a few years now, and despite loving watches, nobody thinks about the rest of their watches, and nor should they. The Octo is a bad Gerald Genta rip-off, and the creatively named Bvlgari Aluminum looks like something you’d find for $50 near the checkout of a TJ Maxx, despite costing over 100 times that.

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