The surest sign that a movie is a hot item comes when Asylum releases one of its direct-to-video knockoffs to coincide with opening day. Did you like “The Da Vinci Code”? Then you’ll love Asylum’s “The Da Vinci Treasure.” Can’t find “Alien vs. Predator”? Then how about “Alien vs. Hunter”? Is Will Smith in “I Am Legend,” or is he in “I Am Omega”? So it’s something of a compliment that this week sees the arrival of Asylum’s counterfeit “Cloverfield” — the unimaginatively titled “Monster.”

Directed by Eric Forsberg (“Snakes on a Train”) this flick represents a new low in Asylum’s mock-buster history. It’s based entirely on the “Cloverfield” teaser trailer, meaning we get two attractive 20-somethings capturing a giant monster attack on their video camera, a mysterious explosion in the background, and the repeated use of the creature’s bellow from the “Cloverfield” trailer. If you need more to your monster than a handful of shots of clumsy, digitally generated tentacles flailing about in the distance, then this isn’t the movie for you.

“Monster” has one good idea, which is to set the action in Tokyo, and one good joke, which is that the Japanese are resigned to giant monster attacks after years of visits from Godzilla, Rodan, and the rest of the crew of building-stompers. But mostly, “Monster” makes you appreciate the brisk pace of “Cloverfield” and the way it sprints around tiresome exposition, since “Monster” moves like molasses and contains little besides tiresome exposition. A scene in which the camerawoman, dazed and exhausted, plops down on the roof of a building and declares that the sight of Tokyo burning is “beautiful” is the kind of random human moment that “Cloverfield” lacks. But a movie featuring box art of writhing tentacles suggestively fondling the Tokyo Tower needs to deliver on some level, and even the dumbest, drunkest viewer has to agree that “Monster” delivers on none.