The Police Blotter: Crack-Smoking Couple Caught Canoodling Inside Stranger’s Van

Since its inception in the 1830s, the Sun has chronicled crime in the mean streets of the City that Never Sleeps, and to this day, the police blotter – or its digital equivalent – offers fascinating snapshots into lives gone wrong in the myriad neighborhoods of the five boroughs. Our aim here is to chronicle the more curious criminal incidents across New York City that, with local news coverage in retreat, may not otherwise come under a spotlight. Please remember when perusing this blotter that arrests do not constitute guilt, and all suspects are innocent until proven guilty. Moreover, the reported items are merely a snapshot of a criminal matter– what is known at the time of publishing. In most cases, the persons arrested for breaking the law haven’t been convicted (yet). It’s also possible that the charges brought against them may be reduced or even withdrawn.MANHATTANInwood: Uber Boosting Crook Tracked by Apple Gizmo Inside Driver’s Stolen Car, Causes Cop Cruiser PileupA crook took off with an Uber driver’s ride and after a police pursuit — wrecked it.Minutes before midnight on September 23, authorities say the 29-year-old suspect was strolling by the unsuspecting Uber driver’s milk cow of a car that was left unlocked with the engine running on 109th Avenue in Queens. The 55-year-old Uber driver was delivering an item and returned to find the suspect who allegedly shoved him to the ground. The accused thief hopped in the driver’s seat and zipped away. Fortunately, the Uber driver had left an Apple device inside the hot wheels and cops were able to quickly track him. In a flash, the cops had a fix on the suspect. They soon made a visual while he was driving along West 204th Street and Broadway. With the lights flashing and sirens wailing, the thief was momentarily pinned. But he wasn’t conceding just yet. Authorities say as officers approached his car on foot, the suspect reportedly hit the gas and throttled off with two cops clinging to the door. The stunt was short-lived with the driver plowing into three parked cars. Both cops suffered minor wounds while the suspect managed to walk away from the crash unscathed. Prosecutors brought robbery, assault, fleeing an officer in a motor vehicle, and resisting arrest. He’s due in court for a first appearance on November 5, court records show. Notably, the suspect had an outstanding bust days earlier in Queens where he also fled cops in a pursuit and was charged with fleeing police in a motor vehicle, reckless endangerment, reckless driving and criminal possession of a weapon with intent to use. Chinatown: E-Bike Lithium Battery Depot Exposes Chopped Up Gambling Den, Bootleg Fashion Merch InventoryFDNY inspectors encountered a disorderly crowd while attempting to log a sweep of 118 and 120 Elizabeth Street. The NYPD was summoned and helped the inspectors gain entry. Once inside the spaces, they discovered not only the cache of lithium ion e-bike batteries dangerously hoarded, but the cellar was illegally carved into several bedroom cubicles; that authorities described as being “converted into illegal sleeping areas” and littered with mattresses, clutter, hot plates, and space heaters.They discovered 17 slot machines and a large inventory of counterfeit fashion wares like bags and accessories that are mainstays that street vendors hock nearby. The NYPD notified the Department of Buildings as well as the Vice Unit, which handles gambling and prostitution issues.Following the inspection, FDNY Commissioner Robert Tucker described how illegal living conditions and unsafe battery charging can “create deadly conditions for residents and for firefighters responding to emergencies.“Every complaint we investigate has the potential to save lives, and this inspection was one of them.”While no arrests were made, fire inspectors served two summons and removed 15 lithium ion batteries (known to be combustible while charging). Vice Unit officers issued two criminal summons and removed the motherboards from the electronic slot machines, rendering the machines inoperable. As for the counterfeit fashion merchandise — it was confiscated and stored at the 5th Precinct. Lastly, a vacate order was placed at the front of both addresses by Buildings officials, records show. They are still determining the potential illegal occupancy issues. BROOKLYNPark Slope: Beer-Guzzling Straphanger Tussles With Arresting Cops Aboard SubwayIf only he had a brown bag!One man’s coveted happy hour came to a bruising end when he refused to quit downing brewskies on the subway train. The 39-year-old thirsty suspect was getting his drinking engines in overdrive while aboard a southbound J train as it was pulling into the 4th Avenue/9th Street stop around 11:45 p.m. on September 16, according to the criminal complaint. The seated boozer, the papers say, was allegedly enjoying his hops until a sudden buzzkill kicked in. That came in the form of two police officers and a detective who requested he refrain from treating the transit system as a speakeasy. In fact, when he was ordered to drop the half-drunk cold one — the accused allegedly refused to relinquish the can. And did he finally relent? No. He simply reached for another beer. That proved to be a fateful decision. The cops moved to arrest the hammered hardhead. But as the cops’ handcuffs dangled, the suspect allegedly did “push and kick” the detective and the officers. The skirmish led to one of the officers suffering cuts and bruises about his face, arm and knee that required treatment at a local hospital. For the open beer cans and the confrontation the suspect was hit with assault, obstructing governmental administration, resisting arrest, and disorderly conduct charges. Dyker Heights: ‘I’m Going To Kill You And Myself!’: Creep Nabbed for Hurling Suicidal and Homicidal Threats at WomanHe’s ready to end her and his life. A 38-year-old man was pinched outside of 14th Avenue near 71st Street back at around 11:15 a.m. on September 27, while casing a woman as she left her home. Authorities say the suspect routinely lurked in his car as the woman left or arrived. The unhinged gawker took things to a lethal level when he opened his craw and lodged hate speech. “If I see you out at the bar I am going to kill you and myself,” he allegedly sneered at around 10:45 p.m. the prior evening. The same perp allegedly didn’t take off after making the mortal threats, instead lingering around in his car and eyeing her. Cops were called and the accused was brought into custody and charged with stalking, menacing and harassment raps. The suspect’s arraignment was adjourned and he was released on his own recognizance. New Lots: Corona Bilking Granny Stabs Clerk With Tweezers: CopsShe wanted that beer. Then she tossed it and went on a warpath. At around 9:45 p.m. on September 28, the 60-year-old woman was inside a bodega located on the corner of New Lots and Sheffield Avenues. Cops say the woman grabbed a cold glass bottle of Corona beer from the fridge. The clerk, 47, was perturbed when he watched the woman decide to pirouette out of the mart without settling the cost for the suds. He then approached the woman to square away with beer. The effort only made the woman erupt. She allegedly took the stolen bottle of beer and “threw” it to the ground causing it to “shatter and break”, according to the criminal complaint. What’s more, the woman allegedly sought reprisals. The clerk claims she drew a pair of tweezers and gashed the man on his right wrist. By this point, responding cops arrived to quell the melee and found the tweezers attacking the beer tosser and brought her under arrest. She faces a load of charges including assault, menacing, criminal mischief, petit larceny, and harassment. At her arraignment she pleaded not guilty. She’s expected to return to court in February of next year. Meanwhile, the clerk refused to go to a hospital and received medical attention to his wrist at the scene. THE BRONXHunts Point: Couple Caught Fornicating in Stranger’s VanThey got busy. In someone else’s van.Two horndogs were caught just before lunch on October 7, bumping uglies inside of some poor soul’s parked 2009 blue Ford van. A 49-year-old lothario and his 41-year-old sex gal pal were allegedly testing the limits of the van’s hydraulics by doing the deed inside of the ride parked on Burnett Place lined with a handful of one-story brick industrial warehouses, according to the criminal complaint.The papers say their humping was in plain view of passers-by with the man’s “penis” clearly “penetrating” his partner’s “vagina” while the “van’s window was down”. Reached by the Sun, the van owner was lost over the details involving the sex machine antics in his van. “Wow, I didn’t know the sex,” he said, adding, “Tell me more.”In fact, the 65-year-old man who works as a ceramic tile maker, was out of the country (tending to a family emergency in Ecuador) when the purported illicit hanky-panky in his wheels transpired. “The car was fully robbed and all the tools I had in it,” he said, noting that he had left the car safely on a block in the Parkchester neighborhood.He was clueless not only about the coitus but also how it turned up in Hunt’s Point. As for the boosted tools, the van owner estimated they were worth about $8,000 and there was a $7,300.15 check left in the van that he said some punk cashed. He explained: “I see that the car is in a state of nothing; it’s in a lot of pieces. “It has no tires, no crown wheel. I can’t do anything because I was in my country.”After the lovemaking pair were caught committing the X-rated act in the stranger’s van, the man allegedly told the responding cops he was interloping. “No, this is not my car,” he said, according to the complaint. “We are homeless.”Housed or not, the pair allegedly were topping off their fling with some crack. Cops discovered two glass pipes on the floorboard of the ride, each with a “black tar-like residue” (matching that of smoked crack cocaine) in the bowls. They also plucked two baggies with a white powder that they later determined to be crack cocaine. Authorities brought charges of unauthorized use of a vehicle, criminal possession of a controlled substance (for the crack), and public lewdness (for the midday van romp).Each pleaded not guilty at their October 8 arraignments. Now van-less, the owner has yet to see the destruction and desecration firsthand. For all the misdeeds done to the van remain a mystery to him until he returns to the city. All he has to go by is a photo of the van snapped by an officer that depicts more of a vacant shell of a vehicle. Whatever the wickedness brewing in the van, the owner is mostly sore about the tools because they maintain his livelihood. “Those tools are what I use to work the machines, and now they’re gone.” Parkchester: ‘I’m Going To F— You Up!’: Old Timers Caught Thieving Over a Dozen Ice Cream Pints in Bodega StickupThey’re sinister sweet-tooths. A 61-year-old woman and her 56-year-old bad boy squeeze were caught shortly after drawing a knife to rip off a bodega of a good chunk of its frozen section. Minutes before noon on September 29, authorities say the pair entered the “gopuff” bodega located on East Tremont Avenue and White Plains Road. The pair allegedly sauntered in “wielding [sic] a knife” and growling threats. “I’m going to f— you up,” the man snapped, according to the criminal complaint. They then proceeded to stock up on 13 pints of ice cream and pranced out without paying a penny. Cops were called and the two dessert deviants were scooped up and given the legal sprinkles. When an officer frisked them, they pulled from Pemberton’s pocket two glass pipes fit with crack cocaine residue. They were summarily booked and hit with robbery, menacing, along with drug and weapons raps. Both are expected to be formally arraigned in early November. STATEN ISLAND Arlington: ‘My Boyfriend Will Shoot You!’: Fence Menace Grouses About Gunslinging Lover She has a tough boyfriend who is handy with the trigger. At around 2 p.m. on September 23, the 26-year-old homewrecker allegedly tangoed with a resident outside their abode located on Harbor Road near Continental Place (and down the street from St. Roman Catholic Church). The instigator stands accused of lodging fatal threats; not only vowing to exact the violence herself — she also promised to farm it out to her man. “I’ll kill you,” the aggressor allegedly shouted at the homeowner, according to the criminal complaint. “My boyfriend will shoot you.”The statements debilitated the receiver and the woman then started destroying the home’s picket fence, going board by board and ripping them like a cartoon villain. Police were called and yet when an officer attempted to detain the suspect she flailed and also wailed: “I’m not going! I’m not going!”After a scuffle, the woman was cuffed and slapped with criminal mischief, resisting arrest, obstructing governmental administration, and harassment. At her September 24 arraignment, the woman denied the charges and is due to reappear before a judge on November 19, court records show.Tottenville: Confrontational Perv Caught Mooning and Flashing Business Before Security CamA loose cannon was especially unhinged when he stepped to a home’s stoop and proceeded to drop trou to masturbate and expose his rear end. The 60-year-old sicko was pacing around a leafy block of Joline Avenue near Hylan Boulevard at around 11 p.m. on August 10. Authorities say he approached the home and took particular interest in the surveillance camera affixed to the home, the criminal complaint reads. He allegedly lowered his pants and “did make lewd gestures” by “manipulating his penis in an up and down motion with his hands”, the papers say. Further, he allegedly bent over close up to the camera and mooned the lens with his buttocks. He culminated his lascivious dance by blurting out, “You want some of this? Keep it up!”The suspect was apprehended shortly after the unspeakable display and hit with an order of protection. He was also charged with criminal contempt and public lewdness. The suspect has had several court appearances following his not guilty plea at arraignment. He appears to have received a partial reprieve with a suspension of the criminal charges. But the case does remain open.

The Police Blotter: Crack-Smoking Couple Caught Canoodling Inside Stranger’s Van

The Police Blotter: Crack-Smoking Couple Caught Canoodling Inside Stranger’s Van

More from the New York Sun

Oklahoma Rejects Proposed Jewish Charter School After Federal Court Rules in School’s Favor

Can Sparkling Save California Wine?

Kimberly Guilfoyle Resigns as Ambassador to Greece After Trump Asked Her To Go

‘East of Eden,’ Even With a Magnificent Florence Pugh, Is Far From Television Paradise

Secret Service Sees ‘Massive Increase’ in Violent Threats, Challenging Americans To Restore the Taboos That Bind

Israeli Boy, 14, Killed and 24 Wounded When Unexploded Hezbollah Cluster Munition Detonates During School Hike

Saudi Arabia Threatens Retaliation as Major Airlines Suspend Riyadh Flights Following Deadly Houthi Attack

Trump Says He’s ‘Looking At’ Firing Ambassador to Greece, Don Jr.’s Ex, Kimberly Guilfoyle Following Damning Reports on Her Behavior

More from the New York Sun

Oklahoma Rejects Proposed Jewish Charter School After Federal Court Rules in School’s Favor

Can Sparkling Save California Wine?

Kimberly Guilfoyle Resigns as Ambassador to Greece After Trump Asked Her To Go

‘East of Eden,’ Even With a Magnificent Florence Pugh, Is Far From Television Paradise

Secret Service Sees ‘Massive Increase’ in Violent Threats, Challenging Americans To Restore the Taboos That Bind

Israeli Boy, 14, Killed and 24 Wounded When Unexploded Hezbollah Cluster Munition Detonates During School Hike

Saudi Arabia Threatens Retaliation as Major Airlines Suspend Riyadh Flights Following Deadly Houthi Attack

Trump Says He’s ‘Looking At’ Firing Ambassador to Greece, Don Jr.’s Ex, Kimberly Guilfoyle Following Damning Reports on Her Behavior