The Year in Song – So Sing Along!
This article is from the archive of The New York Sun before the launch of its new website in 2022. The Sun has neither altered nor updated such articles but will seek to correct any errors, mis-categorizations or other problems introduced during transfer.
Finding it hard to remember the year that just passed? Let us aid your recall, in song:
Hear these songs:
TINKLE BEAUS OR, THE LARRY CRAIG SONG (TO “JINGLE BELLS”)
Sitting on the throne
In a Minnesota loo
Very far from home
Don’t have much to do
Tap my dapper toe
Underneath the stall
Suddenly a cop leaps out
And pins me to the wall.
But! I’m not gay, I’m not gay
I’m in no way gay.
Oh how dumb to think I’d come and look for sex that way. Hey!
I’m not gay
I’m not gay
I’m in not gay, no way!
I just like to sit in johns and wave at men all day.
ADVICE TO OBAMA (TO “SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN”)
You better watch out, you better not mope
You better get out and peddle that hope
Oprah Winfrey’s coming to stump.
She’s pumped about you,
she’s dumping on Hil
Gonna make you her next Dr. Phil
Oprah Winfrey’s coming to stump.
She knows that she’s got power
She knows just what to do
She’s gonna give you lots of votes
And you’ll get a free car, too.
Oh — you better get out,
you better look great
You better not even mention her weight
Oprah Winfrey’s coming to town!
Win-win-Winfrey’s coming to town!
COME, MR. SPITZER (TO “COME ALL YE FAITHFUL”)
Oh come Mr. Spitzer
Joyful and triumphant
Oh come ye, oh come ye to Albany
Come and behold how
We take down a guy we hate
He comes and then we gore him
We like to two-by-four him
And that’s how we inform him
He’s not the Lord.
Sing Shelly Silver
Sing with Joseph Bruno
Sing all us lawmakers dysfunctional
Glory to us
Not His Highness
Oh come let usCold War him
Let’s gather vetoes for him
Or maybe just ignore him
He’s not the Lord.
I HAD A LITTLE IPHONE (TO “THE DREIDEL SONG”)
I had a little iPhone
A phone I did adore
I paid 600 smackers
The next week it was 4.
Oh Stevie, Stevie, Stevie
You made me overpay
I’d like to stick your Nano
Where it’s hard to press “play.”
LET US GO (TO “LET IT SNOW”)
Oh, the weather outside is frightful
But of course they crammed this flight full
Just don’t say these words, I prayed:
“We’re delayed, we’re delayed, we’re delayed.”
Now the pilot is getting folksy
Using words like, “Okey dokesy.”
So much for my free upgrade
We’re delayed, we’re delayed, we’re delayed.
No one’s certain when we’ll push back
Seems we’re 18th or 19th to go
I had hoped that they’d serve a snack
Guess I’ll just gnaw on my toe.
Oh, the pilot is getting loopy
He said, “Folks, I made a poopy.”
For a camel ride I would trade
We’re delayed, we’re delayed, we’re delayed.
This year a proposal was floated to suggest Jews not light candles on the eighth night of Chanukah, to cut down on global warming. Hence:
DON’T LIGHT THAT MENORAH (TO “OH CHANUKAH”)
Oh Chanukah, Oh Chanukah,
Don’t light that menorah!
Each little candle’s
An earth-warming horror.
Gather ’round the table
We’ll give you a treat:
A 15-minute lecture
On trapped planet heat.
All that we are saying:
Is candles are not such a lark:
You can eat gelt
While the polar caps melt
But it’s better to sit in the dark.
You can eat gelt
While the polar caps melt
But it’s better to sit in the dark.
AL GORE’S NEW TUNE (TO “JINGLE BELL ROCK”)
Nobel Prize, Nobel Prize, Nobel Prize Rock
I got the prize and you got Iraq
Santa is saving some coal for your sock.
And some shares of Fannie Mae stock.
Nobel Prize, Nobel Prize, Nobel Prize Rock
I got an Oscar, too!
You stole the vote, but I get to gloat (‘Cause) That’s the Nobel Prize, whole darn global prize, that’s the Nobel Prize Rock!
SUBPRIME BLUES (TO “SILENT NIGHT”)
CitiBank, CitiBank
Made some loans
They all stank
Lost $8 billion through breathtaking greed.
Got your butt saved by Prince Alwaleed
Who says you never sleep?
Who says you never sleep?
Hear these songs:
lskenazy@yahoo.com
