When the Glass Slipper Breaks

Dear Camilla: Your red dress was lovely, and the red trim on his suit was absolutely perky – a formal announcement of your engagement to Prince Charles just in time for Valentine’s Day.All the complications of your longtime romance were suspended as we watched two older people planning to marry. How touching. You, Camilla, are marrying your prince, who may some day be the king.Forewarned is forearmed, Camilla. Get it in writing. Remember Henry VIII, the king who often changed his mind? A girl has to be prepared, Camilla.Let me tell about my own mother, who decided to get married years ago at the age of 71. My stepfather had left her more or less financially comfortable while her intended came into the relationship with considerably less. Get a pre-nuptial, the lawyers in the family told my mother.Eleven years later I had to rescue my mom from the fairy tale gone bad. I was confident I could remove her from the situation, as each of them had agreed to split the profit from the sale of the house. We moved ahead, sold the house, put the money in escrow, and my mother gave him enough of her furniture for an apartment. He took all his acquired goods during the marriage, including several thousand dollars worth of tools.Because they had spent down their bank account, when I arrived on the scene there was a balance of $1,000. A month after her move to a senior apartment, she was served with divorce papers. Surprise!What I didn’t know at the time was that in the blissful early days of her marriage, she had come under serious pressure from her church friends to do the “right thing” and be submissive to her husband. They tore up their pre-marital agreements.Obviously, many people feel uncomfortable discussing money, feeling they are withholding something that should be shared when one hopes for ultimate trust.My mother lives in an equitable distribution state, which meant that instead of making a strict 50-50 split the couple had to divide its assets based on the future financial situation of each party. She had to forfeit 20% of her profit from the sale of the house in order to keep her Social Security benefits and her previous husband’s pension intact.After paying all the legal expenses and then some, she was left with little savings. Now her monthly rent, medical expenses and food come to more than her monthly income. And while she has a basic group health insurance plan with a costly co-pay, she cannot afford to buy long-term health insurance. She is forced to rely on help from children and grandchildren.In six months, she went from a comfortable financial life to a life of great insecurity. Her ex-husband qualifies for subsidized housing on the basis of his lower Social Security payment. As a vet, he gets medicine and medical care. He has a bank account. The advice from the church friends worked in his favor.Camilla, I understand that the laws in England are different, but if I were you I would have a very good prenuptial drawn up, ASAP, just in case this marriage does not work out. I’d also check out council housing – maybe get my name on a list somewhere. The engagement ring looked lovely, but as I understand it, the ring was reported to be loaned by the Queen.Giving up the crown would be one thing. Being 82 and having to start over, the way my mom did, is quite another. As Tina Turner sang – you’ve heard of her? – “What’s love got to do with it?”Best wishes for a romantic reign.(But get it in writing)Ms. Vecsey is an artist and writer. E-mail: megv@optonline.net.

When the Glass Slipper Breaks

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