Can we finally say that Alex Rodriguez understands the privilege of being a Yankee?

From Joe DiMaggio’s 274-day marriage to Marilyn Monroe to Mike Kekich and Fritz Peterson swapping wives to Roger Clemens allegedly sharing his drug dealer with Mrs. Clemens, it has long been one’s right as a Yankee to lead a colorful and absurd love life. Rodriguez got in the game last year, when his purported dalliances with purportedly muscular exotic dancers made the front pages, but not until now has he taken his play to the rarefied heights of past Bronx legends. Today, at long last, he has earned his pinstripes.

Like you, I have no idea what’s gone on between Rodriguez and Madonna during the last several months. Like you, I would prefer not to think for too long about what might have happened between the MVP and the camp icon who’s old enough to be his mother. But still, the facts speak for themselves.

The story begins in 1988, when Oakland A’s slugger Jose Canseco, sporting a proud mullet and steroid-enhanced blood, became the first player in major league history to hit 40 home runs and steal 40 bases in a season. It picks up three years later, when he was spotted leaving Madonna’s penthouse on Central Park West. At the time, she was a relevant pop star, albeit one who would soon release a pornographic coffee-table book featuring Vanilla Ice. What went on? As disclosed in Canseco’s own book, the classic “Juiced,” Madonna wanted to marry him. (He declined.)

Many years passed. A ball bounced off of Canseco’s head and over a fence for a home run; Madonna made horrible disco records and began to affect a ridiculous British accent, positioning herself as a sort of real-life John Waters character. Meanwhile, Rodriguez established himself as one of the greatest players in baseball history. Among his crowning feats was becoming the first infielder in the 40/40 club, easily trumping Canseco, who pulled the trick as a lousy outfielder.

Somewhere along the way, the relationship between the two ballplayers went sour. Last July, Canseco, who had long been threatening to unveil some sort of unspecified dirt on Rodriguez, ratcheted up his ominous claims to having proof of nefarious hypocrisy. A scandal-loving public waited, with bated breath, for Canseco to claim he’d personally injected Stray-Rod with the same life-giving elixirs that had driven his rise to fame, fortune, and his own 1-900 number. Sadly, as it turned out, Canseco could only claim to have introduced him to a steroid dealer, which no one took seriously because of the amount of time he spent accusing A-Rod of trying to steal his wife.

What does all of this have to do with Madonna? To anyone who believes the scandal sheets — and you should, as the more likely a magazine is to be sued for libel, the more likely its reports are to be thoroughly vetted — it couldn’t be more obvious.

According to OK! magazine, which kicked off the current kerfuffle Rodriguez and Madonna were first spotted in public together last October, at a gym — just months after Canseco began threatening to disclose the dark truth. Suspiciously, this times right up with Rodriguez’s infamous attempt to upstage the World Series by announcing, during the decisive fourth game, that he would be opting out of his contract. Could Madonna — suffering, I read, from the breakdown of her marriage to insufferably lousy director Guy Ritchie — have put Rodriguez up to the announcement? Could she have worked out with the young third baseman as a way of striking back at Canseco for spurning her all those many years ago? Could Canseco thus be inadvertently responsible for Rodriguez, the Newman to his Seinfeld, earning a $300 million contract? To ask these questions is, I think, to answer them.

Still more suspicious, though, is yesterday’s equally credible Us Weekly report placing Rodriguez in Madonna’s penthouse in April, the night after his wife gave birth. Note the significant fact that this was less than a month after the release of Canseco’s latest book, “Vindicated,” in which he made his harsh accusations against the Yankees third baseman. Note further that the already notorious visit is alleged to have taken place just five days before Rodriguez went on the disabled list, and just a week before he was spotted at Roseland, taking in a Madonna concert before allegedly partying with her through the night. Connect the dots: Before that DL trip, Rodriguez was hitting a paltry 286; since, he’s hit a robust .356, which has the doormen of New York talking, or so I’m told.

Without wanting to imply anything untoward, I think it’s safe to say that there’s a direct line to be drawn between the complex of Canseco and Madonna on the one hand, and the recent tremendous hitting that’s allowed Rodriguez to drive the Yankees back into the pennant race on the other. Where the purportedly muscular exotic dancers or a man’s God-given right to be left in some semblance of peace fit in, exactly, I’m not sure, but you can obviously follow this as a baseball story in clear conscience, enjoying without a trace of guilt the sight of Rodriguez taking his place alongside immortals.

tmarchman@nysun.com