Following is a lightly edited transcript of The New York Sun’s interview with the Lame Duck:

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THE NEW YORK SUN: Mr. Duck, thank you for choosing The New York Sun for your first on the record interview —

LAME DUCK: Make it snappy, I only have two weeks left.

SUN: How do you feel about passing a $1.7 trillion spending bill in just two weeks?

DUCK: Plenty of time. Though I remember the great days when the extra session — that’s what I like to call it — used to extend until March 3. None of this rushing around. That’s what the Founders intended, you know. Then they went and amended the Constitution…

SUN: During the Depression?

DUCK: Yes, probably the worst amendment ever ratified, the 20th. It ended the terms of Senators and Representatives on January 3. At that point most of them are still hungover from New Year’s.

SUN: You might say they clipped your wings?

DUCK: I fail to see the …

SUN: They used to have until March 3 of the year following the election to … legislate, apparently?

DUCK: It was an opportunity for the solons to give the last full measure of their devotion to public service.

SUN: Yet there were qualms about members of Congress who had lost election coming back to work, I gather? 

DUCK: Nothing wrong with that.

SUN: You know Will Rogers?

DUCK: Never much liked the guy.

SUN: He compared a “lame duck Congress” to “where some fellows worked for you and their work wasn’t satisfactory and you let ‘em out, but after you fired ‘em, you let ‘em stay long enough so they could burn your house down.”

DUCK: I think I hear a quorum call…

SUN: Hold on a second — I see there was a Washington Post headline in 1933 saying the 20th Amendment meant that “Present Lame Duck Session Will Be Last” …

DUCK: Fake News.

SUN: Well, the Post says “the amendment drafters assumed that no elected official would give up their sweet Thanksgiving and Christmas vacations to come back to Washington.”

DUCK: As if a turkey leg or a slice of mincemeat pie makes up for the thrill of committee markups? Unanimous consent agreements? The close-ups on the C-SPAN cameras?

SUN: It seems the 20th Amendment was a product of the railroad era, and didn’t “predict the popularity of air travel,” the Post says. 

DUCK: I can certainly say flying is my preferred mode of transit…

SUN: I think they mean commercial aviation — airplanes, that is. Speaking of which — I hope this isn’t rude —

DUCK: Please, don’t be shy, I get asked all the time. It’s true I’m currently unable to flap my wings … It’s not easy to find a poultry veterinarian with the patient’s best interest in mind.

SUN: In these sensitive times, should we still call you a “lame” duck?

DUCK: I’m glad you asked. I prefer it to daffy, though “handicapped” is less offensive. Even better, the college kids — they’re doing great work against speciesism — they say “check your ableist privilege” and refer to me as “aviationally impaired.” 

SUN: So, do we really need a lame — we mean, uh, extra — session at all? Why not just seat the new Congress right after the election?

DUCK: Well, hold on. You all are the ones who can’t even get your votes tallied on time. It took until December 2 to decide the race in that California race — the 13th district.

SUN: We take your point, there’s also that run-off in Georgia.

DUCK: Plus, need I remind you, you had your January 6 in 2021 — they needed some time to settle all those voting disputes, didn’t they? You might want to talk to the Electoral College about all that.

SUN: Their campus is closed currently.

DUCK: All I’m saying is what’s the rush. Look at all the great work being done in Congress right now. Billions of tax dollars going to great causes and special projects personally selected by lame — ahem — outgoing Senators like Leahy and Shelby. Monuments of the Senate, I call them —

SUN: People, like Larry Kudlow, are saying this spending bill is a betrayal of the incoming House GOP majority. 

DUCK: Their day will come. For now, it’s the 117th Congress’ moment to savor. And who’s to say the 118th will be so eager to close up shop right after Election Day, 2024? 

SUN: Even so, this is $1.7 trillion we’re talking about here…

DUCK: Well, you know, it’s just fiat money.

SUN: By the way, are you affiliated with a political party?

DUCK: Like Senator Sinema, we ducks are independent minded. That said, we do favor more open skies agreements, less pollution in waterways, and strict gun control — especially hunting rifles.