“If I’ve learned any one thing in 21 years of business, it’s not service, it’s hospitality,” Danny Meyer said a few weeks ago at the International Economic Development Council’s annual conference in New York. As keynote speaker at the “Defining Issues” luncheon (along with Jet Blue’s chief executive, David Needleman), Mr. Meyer was there to share his business philosophy. “Service is how product is delivered, the technical aspect,” he said, while hospitality is how you make people feel. “Good service is no longer enough.”

Mr. Meyer opened his first restaurant, Union Square Café, in 1985. Over the past 21 years his business, Union Square Hospitality Group, has expanded to include 11 food-service establishments, ranging from a hamburger stand in a park (the Shake Shack) to fine dining restaurants (Gramercy Tavern) to a barbeque joint (Blue Smoke).

The restaurant business is notoriously difficult. Only about 75% stay open for more than two years, profit margins are low, and returns on investment can take years. And yet people are still drawn to the industry. There is something deeply compelling about the business of serving people food and working on the lively social stage that is the modern restaurant.

To date, Mr. Meyer has not closed a single restaurant. Operating in New York City, arguably the toughest dinning market in the country, his track record is impressive. He shares his business philosophy in “Setting the Table: The Transforming Power of Hospitality in Business” (Harper-Collins, 336 pages, $29.95), perhaps the first restaurant business autobiography.

Mr. Meyer’s second restaurant, Gramercy Tavern, opened in 1994, followed by the almost simultaneous Madison Avenue expansions of restaurants Tabla and 11 Madison Park. These two additions would double the size of his restaurant group and forge a new community service project with Madison Park. And in the four years it took him to write the book, he opened Blue Smoke, Jazz Standard, Shake Shack, Hudson Yards Catering, and, in the Museum of Modern Art, the Modern, Café 2, and Terrace Five.

This is not a how-to book. It is a very personal account of the experiences that lead Mr. Meyer from his well-to-do childhood in St. Louis to the stage of the James Beard Awards. His life story is integral to understanding how Mr. Meyer does business because much of his early success was a result of following his instincts. He never received a formal education in cooking, restaurant management, or hotels. He majored in political science with minors in English and creative writing at Trinity College. When it comes to hospitality, Mr. Meyer is self-taught.

Throughout the book, Mr. Meyer asks if convention must always be followed. He often answers with a fresh take on an old idea, such as “The customer is always right.” His revised look at that cliché is offered in a chapter titled “The Virtuous Cycle of Enlightened Hospitality.” He lists the five groups of primary stakeholders in each of his restaurants in order of importance: first the employees, then customers, community, suppliers, and finally investors. His experience has shown that a happy and invested staff gives the best service.

Another golden rule he refutes is “location, location, location” as the key to a restaurant’s success. Mr. Meyer makes the case that context is most important. He illustrates this in a chapter that focuses on the deals he chose not to make. He writes, “Much of the success we have had has resulted from saying ‘No thank you.'” By avoiding the wrong business ventures, regardless of how lucrative they seemed on face value, the company has made money by saying “no.”

Much of Mr. Meyer’s story is imparted via a narrative that jumps around chronologically. For the business-minded there are also some bullet points, charts, and summaries highlighted. There aren’t any recipes, but there’s a lot of inside dish. Those gossipy tidbits are not salacious or scandalous, but rather candid and earnest. Mr. Meyer is, after all, from the Midwest, where “actually being nice to people goes a long way.” He’s doing his part to make New York that kind of place, too — one restaurant at a time.