‘Masters of the Universe’ Is a Breezy Blockbuster That Glides Without Soaring

My thirtysomething sons, Jett and Dylan, were not yet born during the heyday of the “Masters of the Universe”-Mattel universe. So they never saw Gary Goddard’s Cannon-produced “Masters of the Universe” flop film from 1987 and therefore I wasn’t parent-punished into buying the action figures or having to watch the kiddie cartoon serial.But I was a Cannon Studios employee when Mr. Goddard’s film was being shot at Culver Studios in the early fall of 1986, and visited the massive Castle Grayskull set, a lavish undertaking which ate up two full sound stages. My eyes and heart were dazzled as I strolled around with the unit publicist, muttering wisecracks and wondering why the place felt so quiet.It was quiet because it was empty. So there were no casual run-ins with a bare-chested, sword-bearing, heavily-costumed Dolph Lundgren playing He-Man or a dark-cloaked, masked-up Frank Langella as Skeletor. And yet the film hadn’t wrapped — so where was everyone? I knew that the financially squeezed Cannon had been forced to lose several script pages and things were being re-strategized. Perhaps some of the battle sequences were being shot in and around South California instead of on the fantasy planet of Eternia. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but the sound-stage vibe felt a bit off. Hesitant, uncertain…who knew?I dragged myself to a screening when “Masters of the Universe” opened in August 1987, and I knew right away I couldn’t be honest with any of my fellow Cannon-ites. Because it obviously blew chunks. It was critically savaged and became a box-office bomb — $22 million to produce, $17.3 million earned. The tone was half-jape, half-solemn. Dolph Lundgren struggled with his dialogue but Mr. Langella seemed to enjoy the scenery-chewing. Courteney Cox, James Tolkan and Meg Foster costarring…whatever.Dolph Lundgren as He-Man in 1987’s ‘Masters of the Universe.’ Wikipedia Commons.Now there’s a brand-new “Masters of the Universe” (MOTU) from Amazon and director Travis Knight (“Bumblebee.”) It’s thinner, slighter, and much more expensive, with the budget between $170M and $200M. Why remake an ‘80s stinker, particularly one that feels out of sync with the here-and-now? We’re living in an era of hit cheap indie strange films (“Obsession,” “Weapons,” “Backrooms”). IP sequels aren’t what they used to be in the teens, and nobody cares about MOTU merch, that’s long gone. Mattel obviously connected with “Barbie,” but that was a misandrist, pinker-than-pink, auteur-driven one-off.You might think then that watching the new “Masters of the Universe” would be submitting yourself to punishment. But Mr. Knight’s new film is a feck-it movie, a mild breeze. It’s good-natured, light-hearted, and completely divorced from any notion of dramatic engagement. Every line and every scene delivers a jack-off vibe. It’s got that good old “nothing matters, it’s all a goof so forget the story and let’s just have fun” attitude. It’s comparable to “Guardians of the Galaxy,” only a wee bit lighter, a touch more throwaway.I didn’t care about the story or anybody or anything, but that was fine. Because this is a blockbuster that didn’t irritate me or tick me off. This film doesn’t fly — it glides. It felt like I was sitting in a convertible with the top down and a cold beer in my hand, and I no longer even drink. 22 year-old English actor Nicholas Galitzine is Adam Glenn and He-Man — the former an easygoing blonde-haired, earth-residing dude who wears black jeans, a pink Brooks Brothers shirt and whitesides but doesn’t want to get sucked into a mediocre life as an HR guy, and the latter character the former Prince of Eternia who lives to wield the mythical Power Sword. Mr. Galitzine proves he’s a slam-dunk star in this film, at least during the first half to two-thirds. I succumbed to slight boredom during the last third of the film.Mr. Galitzine is certainly ten times the actor that Dolph Lundgren was in the 1987 version. Having bulked himself up for this role, Mr. Galitzine is relaxed and unassuming and always conveying an intelligent vibe. I liked him immediately because he’s always settling things down, always letting you know this big, carefree Amazon film is into chilling, bruh, even during the violent battle scenes. The shoulder-shrugging, mellow vibing….no worries, it’s all meaningless bullshit.Deep down, this movie is total helium. It’s a stone that doesn’t skim across a pond as much as levitate above it. Compared to it “Guardians of the Galaxy” feels like Arthur Miller’s “View From A Bridge” and ”The Empire Strikes Back” feels like Shakespeare’s “The Tempest.”I don’t know if “Masters of the Universe” is going to tank or succeed, but if I, a grumpy hater of empty-brain-pan computer generated-driven popcorn cinema — someone who hated Chris Pine’s “Dungeons and Dragons” — can make peace with it, then maybe others can too. Alison Brie as ‘Evil-Lyn’ in ‘Masters of the Universe.’ Amazon MGM StudiosAll hail Jared Leto as Skeletor, a skull-faced, buff-bod baddy-waddy who delivers a put-on, jack-off performance. Ditto Camila Mendes as Teela, a foxy, no-nonsense warrior, think a butcher Princess Leia, Idris Elba as Duncan / Man-at-Arms, a recovering alcoholic superhero, Alison Brie as Evil-Lyn, a brittle-ironic worshipper of Skeletor, Kristen Wiig as the voice of Robot, and, last but not least, Morena Baccarin as “the Sorceress”. (Except Ms. Baccarin is a much better actress than this this pan-flash character allows her to be — I loved her in Phillip Noyce’s “Fast Charlie.”) Oh, and Dolph Lundgren, the original He-Man from 1987, cameos during the first half-hour, and does a good job of it.

‘Masters of the Universe’ Is a Breezy Blockbuster That Glides Without Soaring

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