The Cocktail Party Contrarian: People and Their Parties

I was at a party the other night at a Tribeca restaurant in a room full of Upper East Siders loving the downtown life but complaining that it took almost an hour to get there. Uber was having a good night based on the demographics of our group alone. There is nothing wrong with venturing out of our comfort zones, but it occurred to a few of us looking at our watches that travel time should be factored into party attendance. A four-hour affair can work out to six hours for those who live far away, and that is a big claim on someone else’s Tuesday evening. The event should be scheduled with travel credits in mind. If you call your party for 7-11 p.m., that should be inclusive of the commute. Guests who arrive at 8 p.m. and leave at 10 should get a pass, and nothing important like speeches or photos should occur during the first or last hours, because your friends may be on the road. Parties in other states and countries should have ground rules as well. If your guests have to travel to a golf resort in Georgia for your bachelorette party, they shouldn’t have to buy you a gift. Their presence, and what they are spending on the flight and hotel, are your present. In fact, for making them spend three days with your friends, and on your schedule, you should buy them something. There should be a gift registry for guests of destination weddings. If they have to take time off from work and send their dog to daycare to be at the Aman in Athens for your nuptials, they should at least get a new T. Anthony Weekender Duffle.Furthermore, dress codes and themes should be voluntary. Added to an already expensive proposition, the idea that your friends should run out and purchase Moroccan robes to match your party’s décor is too much. Also, requiring anyone over the age of 50 to dress up like a Marvel Comics superhero or his favorite French revolutionary figure borders on abusive. We all know those pictures are going to end up on someone’s social media. Businessmen whose private equity funds have state pension fund investors shouldn’t be seen on Instagram with green face paint or powdered wigs and tights just because their old college buddy had a 60th birthday party.There is also the schedule to consider. Summoning your friends to Mexico to celebrate you is one thing. Requiring them to spend every moment of their three-day weekend with you, your cousins, and your partner from the office is another. A few group dinners and one excursion before the main event are expected, but so is some space. Destination parties, whether downtown or in Dubai, hardly make the list of life’s great dilemmas, but if this column can help shave off just some of life’s minor inconveniences, it seems worthwhile. People should make their parties however and wherever they like, but if they spread that freedom around a little to those they invite, they will see much happier faces on their guests, and that is a win for everyone.

The Cocktail Party Contrarian: People and Their Parties

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