Hey, tots: Sesame Street is releasing some of its greatest hits to the iTunes Store just in time for summer. Now you can spend your sunny days feeling anxious and depressed — just like a real grown up.

Yes, it’s a dark, un-babyproofed world out there, and it’s never too soon to sing about it. That’s why Elmo and Rosita warble — for real — “A is for Asthma.”

Then there’s the lead-paint-can-kill-you-or-at-least-cause-serious-brain-damage toe-tapper, “Lead Away,” also brought to you by Elmo and Rosita (clearly not the first Muppets you’d invite to a party), along with Oscar the Trial Lawyer — er — Grouch.

“We’re excited to make videos and music from Sesame Street … available through iTunes to give families another way to extend the learning and fun,” came the official Sesame Street announcement.

Well consider the fun extended. Possibly the only thing that could be more fun would be a family singalong of “A Cookie Is a Sometime Food” — the 2005 surprise that seemed to negate the Cookie Monster’s creed (and reason for living). At the time, Sesame Street’s vice president of research and education, Dr. Rosemarie Truglio, told the Associated Press: “We’re not putting him on a diet. We’re teaching him moderation.”

Guess they started by moderating his joy.

Considering the tenor of these tunes, I’d like to propose a few rousing downers of my own.

“C Is Not for Cookie Anymore”:

C is for cholesterol, that’s good enough for me
C is for cholesterol, ask any ol’ M.D.
C is for cholesterol, it clogs the ar-ter-y
Cardiovascular problems start with C!

“The Slippery Slope Snack Song” (to “Frere Jacques”):

Are you sneaking,
Are you sneaking,
Post-nap snack?
Post-nap snack?
First comes Goldfish chewing
Pretty soon you’re doing
Toot and smack, toot and smack.

“Hush Little Healthy Eating Baby”:

Hush little baby, don’t say a word
Mama’s gonna buy you organic bean curd
And if that bean curd makes you stressed,
Mama’s gonna take you for an allergy test
And if that allergy test says you’re okay,
Mama’s gonna lay off lactose anyway
And if that lactose-free diet leaves you hungry
Mama’s gonna supplement with locally produced honey
And if that local honey gives you diabetes
Mama’s gonna buy you a bowl of Wheaties
And if that bowl of Wheaties tastes dry
Mama’s gonna give you some soy milk to try
And if that soy milk makes you hurl
You’ll still be the cutest lactose-free, locally grown, wholely organic, borderline diabetic baby in the world.

“The There’s No Such Thing as Water Saftey Song”:

Michael float your boat near shore, Hallelujah.
Drownings peak at age of 4, Hallelujah.
Put on goggles, the water stings, Hallelujah
Don’t forget your water wings. Hallelujah.

“Take Me Out to the New, Noncompetitive Ballgame”:

Take me out to the ballgame
For cooperative fun!
Buy me some sunscreen so I won’t burn
I just hope that we all get a turn!
For it’s root, root, root for the two teams
Whoever wins it’s the same – all the same
‘Cause we Don’t! Keep! Score! anymore
At the new ball game.

“If You’re Peppy and You Know It”:

If you’re AD and you’re HD clap your hands,
If you’re AD and you’re HD clap your hands,
If you’re feeling kind of antsy
There’s a word for it that’s fancy
If you’re AD and you’re HD clap your hands.