Treating 6-Year-Olds Like Infants Makes Children’s — and Parents’ — Lives Smaller

A 6-year-old rode off on his bike and stayed out for two hours without his parents knowing where he was.That would have had me worried. Yet when a mom asked Slate for advice on how to deal with this situation — and with her husband saying this was no big deal, as he used to ride his bike at that age — the advice-giver, Logan Sachon, went ballistic:“Even 10 minutes gone without explicit permission and knowledge of where exactly you could find him would have been too much! As soon as he was out of your sight, you should have been after him. … Your kid is 6! He needs a parent with him when he’s outside riding his bike, period.”In the end, he recommended waiting till the boy was 11 or 12 before allowing him to ride his bike unsupervised, even if Dad rode his bike at half that age.My thoughts:1. When a child leaves for two hours without his telling parents where he’s going, it’s a learning opportunity:“From now on, you have to let us know where you are going,” “please be home by dark,” etc.If the tot screws up, you tighten the reins and try again a little later.2. If a parent must be watching a child every second they are outside, the children won’t be outside much because parents don’t have as much free time. Is it better for the children to sit on an iPad all afternoon?3. Six-year-olds aren’t babies. A checklist from the 1979 book “Your 6-Year-Old: Loving and Defiant” includes:“Can he stand on one foot with eyes closed for five to ten seconds?”“Can he tell left hand from right?”“Can he travel alone in the neighborhood (four to eight blocks) to store, school, playground, or to a friend’s home?”The idea that tots age 6 can do nothing safely on their own is a new (and crippling) one.4. The fear that Child Protective Services may be called is real, though not that likely. That’s why you’ve heard about the celebrated cases. (Fun fact: It was me who brought most of them to public attention.) The response to CPS overreach is not to let the government second-guess parents who know and love their tots best. It is to change the neglect laws — something Let Grow, the nonprofit I helm, is doing. To date, we have helped pass Reasonable Childhood Independence laws in 11 states to clarify that “neglect” is only when you put your child in obvious and serious danger — not anytime you take your eyes off them. We are working in half a dozen more states right now. Trust is not neglect.5. The knee-jerk reaction that independence could lead to danger completely forgets the yin to that yang. Yes, a child could meet a mean dog or disapproving adult. A child could also grow anxious, depressed, obese, worried, sad and lonely when they are “safe” inside. Indeed, that is what has been happening for over two generations now: As childhood independence has gone down, anxiety has been going up. Why is only “outside” danger discussed?6. When a culture gets something really wrong — no votes for women, no rights for minorities, no support for parents who want their tots to play outside — it is the job of decent people to bring these issues to light and make them right. Treating a 6-year-old like an infant makes their life — and the parent’s life too — smaller for no good reason. Helicopter parenting may suit some, but it should not be the default of the authorities.Or advice columnists.Creators.com

Treating 6-Year-Olds Like Infants Makes Children’s — and Parents’ — Lives Smaller

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